الأحد، أغسطس 14، 2005
It was over 3 Am. when I went to bed and still I didn't wish to sleep. So I switched off the lights, and listened to radio thru my brother's walkman. There were some very beautiful classics on "The musical program" radio station. I opened the window for a hopeless street lamb light to join in my lonesome party.
You know, I always liked summer nights no matter how hot the weather may seem. I love to stay up late and gaze at the vast emptiness of the universe, share the stars in their dance, talk a while with the moon or simply enjoy the silence on my own.
I won't forget my mother when she all the time describes me as a night owl. No matter how early I wake up, I still keep open eyes till very late at night *very often till watching dawn break*, then I keep wandering aimlessly all day long.
Only then I heard a piece on radio "Friends over troubled water". I looked up to the ceiling, then turned to the skies above, and back to the ceiling. After a long sigh I asked myself: "And how many friends I got?!!"
It's very true I have so many friends in my life. It's true I find it easy to gain friendships in no time, yet how many were really bonded to me and for how long?
Right now I am in the process of losing 2 special people we had un-forgettable memories together, yet gaining the trust of other two. *Which leaves me partially happy!*
However I wonder where lies the problem? Why can't I have permanent fine relationships? Is it me or is it life's way of treating us?
Sometimes I hate myself like no one can, and other times I love myself to arrogance itself. I see myself as an angle and the devil himself in the very same picture's portrait.
You know when you feel you are the victim and the murderer at the same time?!
Suddenly I felt I want to take it all off me and cry it out. I felt my heavy heart is aching again. I can't bear it alone all the time, and I don't want anyone to share. I enjoy the silence, thought I wish to have a helping hand around.
I felt puzzled with thoughts out of order and a soul that's bored to death from life and the living..
Surprisingly the legendary "Spanish eyes" tune joined me from radio and I sung it along..
"Blue.. Spanish eyes..
Tear drops are falling from your Spanish eyes..
Please.. Please don't cry..
Its just adios and not goodbyes.."
Then I heard "Strangers in the night", "Sous le ceil de Paris", "Yesterday", "La vie en rose"…
I said to myself: truly everything happens for a reason, a season or a life time..
However, I wish upon a star I'd ever figure it out before too late..
Time to go… 73's
PS: I had a disaster with my old hard disk.. Thank ALLAH for everything after all..