الأحد، ديسمبر 31، 2006

Year 2007

Froggy made this suggestion on the Bloggers group, and since I promised to think about it and give it a try.. then I'll brainstorm a reply to her question right here..

She said: "ok, I just got this idea now, everyone can say before the new year, one thing he/she wishes to achieve in the new year, one thing that really impacted him in this current year (either good or bad) and one thing that he enjoyed on the group (i guess this is the easiest question.. lol)"

Something to achieve next year:
Might seem my reply a classical predicted one. However, I truly, deeply, madly wish to graduate, not because I hate college this much. In fact, I began to love it this year.. more than previous ones at least.. but because I want to work bgd! I want to get down to people for real.. deal with them much openly and develop me..
Who knows what I'd discover in others and me along the way …

Something impacted me last year:
Seems a bit odd to me. Last year is not my worst, I believe the best and worst are yet to come (law 3shna w kan lena 3omr). Yet, it's not my favorite either. Its just one of those blank years that pass by you and no matter how stuffed, you would hardly remember afterwards.
Had my biggest breakdown earlier this year.. and the lost of 2 of my favorite people in my family. And the degradation in my uncle's health…
Quitted my activity, though the latter might seem the brightest news of all. I learnt that the reward of obeying your parents returns in life. Yeah! You can feel the consequences even if its just self satisfaction.
And still, I got amazed by the people who enter every now or then in my life.. I wonder what I did to deserve such a beautiful spirits like these… God bless them all.. they are the real life's treasure after the long path..

One thing I enjoyed in the group:
The friendly spirit, defiantly! The warm and cozy one. Sometimes they get me out of a mood keda, just replying and teasing each other. However, begad the thing I feel I'm blessed with 2 people I got to know thru the group, one of them is Nesrine. I can't wait till I meet her.. next year looks like isA… :)

What I'll miss about 2006:
I guess nothing what so ever. and its more than welcomed now to leave, but for one tiny something. I'll miss being called Miss. 21..
its pretty amazing how to turn old and gray that fast..

May be, I am not in the mood to give a bright reply. Sorry for that froggy.. its just, I cut on me a promised and wished to full fill..

PS: Allow me to pass it on as a Tag.. for: froggy her self tab3an.., Tarek, Nesrine, Nerro, Moon.. Hechkok.. Layal.. Memo.. Zeinobia..
I'll add people as I remember.. since I'm "blank" now...

Last but not least, Let me say, if it still holds a meaning..

Happy new year everybody…

الجمعة، ديسمبر 29، 2006

To My Visistors.

The Blog is going under few upgrades. Please bare with me, till things work out smoothly as before.

Update: guess things are much better now.. for any bugs in the code. Please report..

أعياد سعيدة

بستلف تعيدة هديل ليا، وأبعتها لكل المعيدين فى اى من العيدين
وكل سنة واحنا براحلة البال

الخميس، ديسمبر 28، 2006

Collisions in Cyber space..

What’s the secret in hitting the “downloads” button whenever I visit any website. And the more free downloads I find, the more I love the place and bookmark it in most cases..!
Collisions in cyber space.. you talk to somebody and discover s/he’s not male/female as you thought! Myself, I’ve been called a male many times. Might be for the pre-drawn imagine baby blue and baby pink ..
And in most cases you don’t know wither to apologize if it wasn’t an intended mistake. Or just leave it to time wash it away..
It's very VERY cold yesterday and today... Don't know how would I go out during Eid days.. Looks like i'll be tortured by real hell these days.
Looking as panda in an un-comfy days for me...
My inbox got greetings from people I know nothing about! New year.. feast.. etc. Some names are familiar from my college.. but how they got my email in the 1st place?!
And as expected, no matter how I tried to hold myself.. I replied them one by one…
Guess I’ll choose option 2, and leave time wash it away.
Hmm.. it wasn’t on purpose after all… :)

TADA.. Leave ya to walk in the winter wonderland.. Where the green grass grows…
Sorry, Off to my desk I mean :P ..

2 years and more..

Looks long time passed since I last blabbered aimlessly..

You know when I started this place, it was mainly for addressing void for someone might pass by and listen. Now its someone(s) and can’t hide, that’s mainly why I think of quitting every once or a while. After all, was never a fan of exposing myself, though I don’t say much still.
Quit, not quit.. quit.. not quit… open comments.. close comments… delete posts… not publish, save as draft!
You know once I opened an anonymous blog and the weird thing, the same people I used to comment to, when I changed my name, treated me differently!
Seriously, that cyber world doesn’t give us much of authenticated trust to count on.

Now I deleted the anonymous blog, and confined me to this little corner of mine for 2 years.. yeah.. today I celebrate passing 2 years. Is it really celebrations? I don’t really know whether I should be happy, satisfied, depressed or whatever.. Days, months weeks and years all pass this way and nothing seems to be certain; nothing appears to have the same identity from 2 different perspectives..

Me here something, me in real world another thing. Here laughing wise creature, free in lots of ways. There I’m controlled in a sucking manner. Controlled by stupid routine and naïve traditions.
2 identities.. quite a problem to live with night and day. Inside you are someone, and outside you are another. And here you got your fans, and there you got your another.
Tell me, Which one you choose if you like both..?

Love is not always between man and women. And that’s what I call for always. Love can take many formats, like loving yourself and loving your things. Addiction is yet a new form of love. Abusing form. Harmful one.
And when love turns into a habit, That's the dangerous verge of all.

You say “good morning” not because you mean it, not because you are really deeply wishing someone a good morning, but because you're costumed to say it in the morning for each and every passer by. It’s a habit, then it loses its meaning..

Love turns into a habit, love losses its meaning.

Should I always remind myself of the intentions? And what if I don’t have intensions? What if I love because I want to love. I wish to love and eager to?

2 years.. What had I learnt?
Confronting myself if the strongest weapon to surrender yourself to yourself. To tame it in your way. Sound insane if its you to you, but its true. Seeking Your YOU..

Do I sound contradicting myself? Do I really have to confront me that way?!
Why did I stick to blogging that much? Why did I turn the love of it, into a boring habit?!

2 years passed and each time I ask the above questions, my answers seem changing as the drift of time. At 1st I was content with comments rushing in by…. 5.. then 10.. 20… 40..
May be I’ve reached fame others are looking for and might be I liked it, that made me peruse the task and blog consistently every day may be.
It takes a lot more than your time to do it. It takes part of yourself each time you think of confronting you to you… and the hard thing of all, not just exposing yourself to the other, nor esposing yourself to you.. but remembering the every fine detail you record, keeping them infront of your eyes engraved to pass on by every time you decide to click dwelling unto the past!

Do I sound depressed? how many times I asked myself that question every since I started blogging! did blogging really turned me into a gloomy person, living a place of my own?!

Its winter people, and not in my mood, and wrote more than 3 pages.. and La comparsita playing at the background. I don’t like such deep questions at night that leave me ages thinking, why did it or why did not. Whom to ask and whom not! Then dramatically I click… publish! And know that not just that someone I wished to listen when I 1st opened the blog, but those someone(s) I grand them the chance to dig down and take a closer look..

Is it love into a habit now, or love to hurt oneself.. or waiting for a share.. or thinking I give humanity the ultimate pleasure to reading the memories of an unknown celebrity?

I need a break, and think not.
I need to get away, and afraid to appear a coward.
I need to quit, but me feels no.. can’t really stop..

However, last but not least, no matter what you’ve read above.. let me say it loud and clear..
Happy anniversary dear blog :)
And let those Questions left in peace for a while to rest...

PS: Happy birthday dear brother as well ;)

الأربعاء، ديسمبر 27، 2006

No Title

Yesterday wasn’t a pleasant night to end with the day. Inspire of The day that was excellent and unique in way I can describe..

Had my 1st “real” project meeting, and was glamorous. We had lots of fun el 7amd lelah.. think now we’ll have loads of funny days working together isA. especially “the moro effect” :P

Then returned home to apply the lesson and install Linux, lol what happened is that (ana 3aket el donia) and divided a drive into 3 partions.. now know something I learnt the hard way out..
1. any Swap drive should be twice the RAMs value, and no more than 2 gigs no matter what!
2. always and always allow Linux to check your CDs !
3. on the other side of installation, try to have an expert with you on phone, online.. sitting beside you 7ata.. especially if its your 1st time to ever touch Linux screen :D I had 2, one of them is Sameer.. and tell you, he’s excellent help msA…

And after all that misery to discover these simple rules. The CDs for installing seemed corrupted, and I was on my nerves ba2a and wished to do something in this computer el 7a2e2a.. a burn it.. a throw it.. 7aga keda..

So now, its either I’ll have to download the whole cds again… OR borrow a DVD drive from someone…
Both cases are awful to me..

How can I mange to get over this ERROR: MD5 sum doesn't match. The medium should not be used.

Looks, really nothing comes easy.. you have to sweat a lot ..
Phew.. will go now.. salam

الثلاثاء، ديسمبر 26، 2006

How right can be Zodiac?

So she got up and walked about-
rather stiffly just at first,
as she was afraid that the crown might come off:
but she comforted herself with the thought
that there was nobody to see her,
"and if I really am a Queen," she said,
as she sat down again,
"I shall be able to manage it quite well in time."

There's no such think as a typical Capricorn female. She can be a museum curator who wears granny glasses for real, or she can be a dancer who wears a glittering G-string for fun. You'll see her crisply running a suburban P.T.A., frying hamburgers in a coffee shop, or organizing the biggest Charity Ball in the city. A Capricorn woman may decorate the society columns, smile demurely behind a political candidate husband or pour mysterious liquids in­to test tubes. But whatever she's doing and whatever she's wearing, Saturn will rule her actions and her secret aims.

She can be ultra-feminine, flirtatious and charming enough to make a man feel like a giant grizzly bear who can protect her from the cold, cruel world. Or she can be icy, quiet and aloof, sitting securely on her marble pedestal and challenging you to be clever enough to win her superior hand. Whichever personality she projects, underneath her womanly wiles or her practical, sensible manner, she has the same goal-a steely determination to snag the right man, who can become important, make her proud and be a good father to her children.

So many Capricorn women are career girls, you might think love and marriage would always be a second choice. With love, you have a point. With marriage, no. The thing to understand is that the Capricorn goals are security, authority, respect and position. It makes little difference if these needs are supplied in front of a blackboard as a school teacher, behind a desk as an executive, or beside an ambitions husband whose social life and home she can manage with easy grace and careful planning. One way or another, the Capricorn woman will get her recog­nition. Some of them get it by writing books, lecturing, painting or composing music. It's surprising how many Capricorns of both sexes have unusual artistic talent. Per­haps it stems from an innate sense of balance and harmony, knowing what is pleasing and what is right or correct.

This is a little delicate, but even the Saturn females you find in burlesque theaters or engaging in the world's oldest profession (there will be only a handful) will end up by marrying the top comic or the theater owner in the first instance-or the wealthiest client in the second. The goat must climb. Whether the starting position is high or low, the top of the hill is where she finds the view more satis­fying. There's nothing flashy about the Capricorn female. You'll certainly never see her loudly or obviously pushing and shoving for first place; you may even think she's docile enough to contentedly take a back seat to her competition.

Wait. See who gets the promotion.

Don't be misled into thinking she'll never sacrifice her career for marriage. Just give this girl half a chance to be a social leader and the mistress of a well-run household, and you'll see how quickly she loses interest in her job (one of the few things she'll do quickly). If you need her to, the Capricorn woman will gladly continue working to help you climb up the mountain of success-she won't be lazy. Otherwise, however, she's happier enjoying her position as your wife, provided the position is a good one, and there's enough financial security.

One of the most typical and delightful things about this woman is her natural breeding and grace of manner. You can meet a Capricorn girl who was raised in a one-room shack across the railroad -tracks, or whose father works the swing shift in a coal mine, but unless she decides to reveal her background (which she probably won't), you'll be convinced she comes from an old-line family, and was turned out by one of the best finishing schools. Such is the Capricorn built-in sense of social grace and conservative, conventional appearances.

Any man who's involved in a relationship with the female goat should learn a basic fact about this Sun sign. She seems to be more even-tempered and emotionally steady than she actually is. Her manner may convince you that she's as firm as a rock and nothing can ruffle her calm surface. The truth is that she's subject to many moods. All women are subject to moods, you say, but the Capricorn girl can have some really black and long-lasting ones. If she feels mistreated or unappreciated, she'll brood for days, weeks, even months. She calls it being sensible or practical, but Saturnine gloominess, pessimism and depression are much more deeply rooted than that. They're triggered by fear of the future, worry about the present, shame over the past-or a suspicion that she's being made fun of or is inadequate in some way. These women do not accept teasing lightly. Keep it at a minimum. To be honest, they find it impossible to see the joke when they're the victims. You don't have to bury her in compliments constantly (she'll sense when they're insincere, anyway), but don't kid her about important matters, and praise her often enough to make her realize you know her true value.

It's hard for her to relax in romantic situations. There's plenty of physical desire under the cool Capricorn surface, far more than most people suspect, and it's never satisfied casually. Sitting around and wasting time with breathless hugs and ecstatic kisses while the future is still hanging unsettled is definitely not her favorite hobby-yet once she's decided you're the right man and the finances are secure or your ambition is sufficient, shell be as warm as a cuddly panda, affectionate, and even passionate. Capricorns don't believe in vague dreams that glide aimlessly through a misty, blue sky. They want to know where the ship of romance is taking them, and that it's sailing on safe waters. Build a firm foundation under your house if you plan to carry a Capricorn girl over the threshold. Make sure there's plenty of insurance and the mortgage is paid off or will be soon.

Shell probably be something of a social butterfly, ex­tremely aware of etiquette, and she'll lean toward quaint customs like engraved napkin rings and needlepoint chairs. Things must be correct and tradition must be observed at all costs. She may have an inconsistent habit of wanting to shop in the most expensive, exclusive stores, yet insisting on a bargain. She doesn't mind buying a dress that's on sale, as long as it bears the right label.

Capricorn women have a fresh beauty of their own. You'll rarely find one who's not unusually attractive. Yet they are timid and unsure about their appearance, and you may find them needing constant reassurance that they're pretty. Although Capricorn females hate dishonesty in all forms, they're not above lying about their ages. They usually get away with it, too, thanks to the odd Saturn aging twist. They look like little old ladies as children, then bloom suddenly into women who look like young girls when they're past the prime of life.

It would be a terrible mistake to snub her family. The man who marries a Capricorn girl marries her relatives. There's no point in thinking that yours is different. She's not. Somewhere along the line, you'll stop laughing at mother-in-law jokes (you may cry instead). Many times, the Saturn female is the sole support of her family, financially or morally or both. She may care for an ill parent with devotion to the point of relinquishing the idea of marriage completely. Often, she'll enjoy the sacrifice because of her honest love for her family, but even if she re­sents it, her strong sense of responsibility and duty will not permit her to escape.

You might as well resign yourself to flattering your mother-in-law, and hope she's a great gal who's worth it. Don't argue politics with her father, and if you must criticize her brothers and sisters, see that the criticism is constructive, and based on a sincere belief in their po­tentialities. Frequently, Capricoms find themselves bur­dened with distressed or invalid relatives, and the typical goats will never let love, however consuming it might be, cause them to neglect such obligations. You'd better start right out by planning to have a guest room or two for visiting relatives. But there's a reverse benefit. You'll have a wife who is kind and considerate toward your own fam­ily. The Capricorn girl will understand if you have to allo­cate a fixed sum to your parents each week, and she'll probably be a companion to your brothers and sisters. She's the kind of girl you take home to meet mother, and mother approves of her immediately. Since men are so contrary, such instant encouragement can cause them to back away. It's always more fun to fight objections for your lady fair. But you'll only be slicing off your nose to spite your heart, because your mother is right. The Capricorn girl, if she's a typical Saturn woman, will make an excellent wife. The home of a Capricorn woman often looks so effortlessly spotless and smooth-running you'd think there were little fairies and elves hiding in the comers, working away furiously after midnight to shine and polish and cook and clean. Wrong. The very last place you can expect to find such imaginary creatures is around a Capricorn. The Saturn practicality and faith in firm facts ordinarily pre­cludes any sympathy with the unseen. A Capricorn girl wouldn't believe in leprechauns if one sat right on the tip of her nose. In all fairness, however, although she may not be a way-out dreamer or a follower of occult mys­teries, once she has the solid facts she's able to see the romance and poetry in the most ordinary situations.

Hers is an earthy kind of beauty that can make even the gross and ugly seem lovely with sheer usefulness. She's not a stranger to the gypsy spell of the north wind, nor is she deaf to the silver song of spring showers and the call of a lonely skylark. Great music stirs her deeply, and she's an enchanted patron of almost any art form. Perhaps she has to see and touch magic to believe in it. A leprechaun would probably get much further with her if he came right out and said where that pot of gold is hidden, instead of hinting about it in fairy tales.

Most Capricorns save their rainbow thinking for history and heroic deeds of the past. Since she worships tradition, and reveres those who have overcome obstacles to gain success, it's easier for her to get sentimental over the Gettysburg address than to get enthusiastic over your latest wild scheme. Actually, she's a true romantic, with greater imagination than the scatterbrains with unreal fantasies. Every January girl has haunting poetry in her soul, but she doesn't have much sympathy for poets who starve in attics. Take care of the food and rent and then pursue the dream, whatever it may be, is the Capricorn motto. Also make sure that the dream is worth pursuing. She sees nothing glamorous or magical about failure.

You may have to share your Capricorn wife with causes. She'll be a tireless worker for the poor and the defenseless, but she may prefer to show her charity in group efforts, rather than to individuals. Saturnine sympathies are usually organized, seldom scattered. Female Capricoms are natural leaders of women's clubs. (personal note: HAHA, U bet ;) )

She'll probably instill both thrift and a respect for quality in the youngsters. She'll teach them to "Eat it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." Still, they'll be served the best cuts of meat, and she'll buy them the finest make of shoes. To her, economy does not have to mean cheap. The children will be expected to be polite to relatives and elders, and they'll probably learn excellent manners. They won't be pampered or allowed to willfully disobey. If you give her a book on child psychology, she may use it to paddle an unruly offspring and get around to reading it later. Sticky kisses may not be welcome, but few mothers are more devoted than the female goat. Her children will get a courteous listening ear. She may be a little strict and unsympathetic to their growing pains, but she'll be a fascinated audience for their achievements. The child who runs home from school and shouts, "Guess what I learned today," won't be ignored by the Capricorn mother, who will never be too busy to give her youngsters her interest and attention. After they become teenagers, there may be a few barriers when the Saturn conservatism clashes with youth's liberalism. At this point, she may need some help in understanding her children's enthusiastic dreams. She may leam the hard way that she can't dictate their friend­ships and confine them to "acceptable" people. But she's intelligent enough to adjust and pull in her horns if it looks as though she'll lose more than she'll gain.

Since many Capricorn females have sensitive skin, they don't wear much make-up. Lots of them are allergic to it. But nature rewarded them with natural beauty that needs little gilding, and they'll keep it long after the roses have faded from the cheeks of other women. Some of them startle you with lovely complexions, firm features and bright eyes at the age of eighty and older.

Patiently help your Capricorn woman overcome her lack of personal confidence. She's not unimaginative just be­cause she doesn't court delusion. Try on a couple of her practical dreams for size, and you'll find they're surprisingly comfortable. Stubbornness may be one of her vices, but she's not a whiner or a nervous nag. She'll push you toward success, yet be tender and devoted. In spite of her modest, often gentle ways, she'll know just how to twist you around her little finger. There's a deep richness in her love that's more lasting than the brittle, scorching, demanding love of other women. Who says she doesn't believe in fairy tales? Only a wise Capricorn maiden could look deep into the eyes of an awkward frog and see that he's really a prince in disguise. Not only that-if you marry her, youll never run out of clean socks.

Extracted from: Capricorn


Moon sign!
You are very sensitive, cautious, and shy about showing others your feelings. Though you may love and care for someone a great deal, you rarely express those feelings openly and freely. Very often your love for someone will be expressed by trying to help them, doing something tangible to benefit them, or serving them in some way.

It is also difficult for you to receive warmth, affection, or appreciation, for you often feel that you don't really deserve it or that "they don't really mean it". You can therefore seem rather cool and aloof, much more so than you feel.

A deeply ingrained critical attitude often makes you difficult to live with. You need to learn to be gentler and less of a perfectionist with others and with yourself.

This year's question..

As the new year rushing forward... I wonder how many people were blocked then deleted from my life, and how many left, and when and where will I decide I need them no more?!

Any Clue?!

الأحد، ديسمبر 24، 2006

Todo, Todo… TODO!

Today I had to delete a lot of beautiful treasures, for emptying a drive..
Ana 7azena

It’s horrible when you feel intimacy with your every person and everything!! You’ll have a lot of breakdowns life long :S

Now my to do list has increased changing the colors of this miserable blog! It looks so miserable keda of a loner person.. while its winter and if we didn’t try to refresh ourselves.. we’ll dwell into deeeeeeep depression….

eh… today is 24th….. Merry Christmas to all my Friends who are celebrating these days :)
K, looks my todo added sending few ecards…

1. organizing my drives..
2. installing the programs
3. changing colors.
4. emailing ecards
5. preparing for my communications system project..

So let me “ashamar” and start choosing stuff :)
Love it when its celebrations times…
Haf fun

Ps: Pianolla is having real great stuff these days.. try not to miss it!
Thanks to all my friends contributing there….

السبت، ديسمبر 23، 2006

Yet, after all..

examnation head lines
Originally uploaded by lastoadri.
You might not believe it, but the exam went better than what I thought, at the least (el 7amd lelah!). I mean, it wasn’t my best kind of things, however as we say “sha3’aaaal”..
Anyways, there are 2 things that made me happy today.

1. Was standing with a friend in my class giving him some stuff keda, when someone in our dof3a came in and told me unexpectedly “you know, away from the exam and stuff. I have to tell you that I really appreciate your replies on our forum. I always feel your words are balanced”.
Seriously, I pretended to be busy with my stuff at hand, as if I heard nothing, couldn’t even talk or look at the person! Its either I looked an idiot all the way, or too arrogant to reply :$ ..
Hmm… that is one of my favorite comments I’d like to hear of all times …. And… hmm.. I don’t even know that person aslan..

2. Opened pianolla to find Eddie posted 2 posts! Look, 7afda7o.. hehe… he’s too depressed lately and I wonder why?!
Was it 5 years ago? Yup guess so. From the radio gang. And was the 1st to reply my emails (throw away the fact it was pure mockery!) however, there was something. He is one of those respectable people for: 1. their knowledge and reasonable onions, 2. good laugh!
Then everything was twisted all of a sudden and there he seemed a real strange person…
Its weird… not only you can be one day up and next down.. but you can be a one person and then another..

Me changed a lot through out the past 5 years as well. But me still me.
Same corny laugh and insane thoughts.. same ill look and psychic personality.. its me after all……….
And especially after hearing the 1st comment today, and another comment mints ago from a 3rd person on being smart… felt like.. you know what..
I looove myself… I really do… and no matter how sometimes I hate me, nag me, pity me, mock me… I never do that except because, I love me, and wish me to be the best always in my eyes and others too..

I don’t think its being too much selfish, nor trivial… nor.. whatever you might guess..
Its only our right, as much as to love our country, love our parents, friends, family… love yourself (ya a5i shewaya :D )

Hehe.. enough with the above stupid talk… let me swing to another something, the above picture..
I took it from our communications system examinations paper for today.
I spent like whole 10 mins in the middle of the exam doing nothing but gazing at these 3 lines and laughing awi keda…
We are in December people, and its written January.. and highly reckon none has noticed this mistake…. BUT what the heck as long as its “B.Sc final” isA…
Let the whole crap in my head go to hell.. and me live in peace..

Yalla,, off to start my microwaves..

PS: do you have an idea how to enjoy my final days in college, hopefully isA, better? You know that way you’d remember it life long w keda..

PS2: again today was officially our 1st meeting in the graduation project, w estfta7na foll isA :D , while installing Linux, we discovered the CD brought is for a 64 bit PC, while the laptop we got 32 bits :D heheheeee…. (error yshel el 7a2e2a)

Nity Nite..

الجمعة، ديسمبر 22، 2006

blue-er than ever..

I feel low, I feel extra low.. and tomorrow’s exam seems very..
I don’t know!
I called nearly all the people I wish to hear their voices… and pampered myself to the utmost..
But still feel low…. W can’t have much to say except..
ياااااا رب...

الخميس، ديسمبر 21، 2006

You are uninvited!

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd need shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

I luv this one.. Though hard it is...
Alanis Morrisette -- Uninvited

الاثنين، ديسمبر 18، 2006

الأحد، ديسمبر 17، 2006

طب ايه دا بقى دا بقى

لا لا.. ودى فيها كلام تانى؟ أمال ايه... أنا فعلا فخورة.. واقول مصر هى أمى وتيكلم تيلكم...
فى جو عائلى بهيج ساعة استجمام، قعدت أتفرج على منى الشاذلى فى العاشرة مساء... وألاقيها ايـــه بقى... تعلن عن خبر فوز مصر بالمركز التالت فى مونديال الأندية...
وبقى ايه.. أبوتركة يا عظيييم.. ومنظر الجماهير العريضة ع القهاوى يا ناس، شئ يشرح القلب.... خصوصا الرجل اللى قال "قدمت اليوم أجازة عشان الماتش.. مش مهم الشغل، دا عالمى والله"... وبقى بقى اللى زادنى بهجة و انبعاج قلبى، على انشراحه خلقة، الولد اللى قال "أنا غبت النهاردة م المدرسة مخصوص عشان أشوف الأهلي.. خلينا نرفع اسم مصر عالياً"... (واخد بالك انت من عالياً دى؟)

نحن – وبلا فخر- شعارنا: "كل ما اتفرجت وشجعت أكتر.. فرصتك فى الاعلاء تكبر وتكبر"... وانا وانت... واديها.... "طب ايه؟ ايه دا.. دا بقى .. دا بقى دا"..

تصبحوا على كل انبعاج قلبى...

Will tell you something:

Memo, is no better!
Starting from now..

السبت، ديسمبر 16، 2006

Yaaaah, radio again!

I don’t know, may be a whole year passed since my last on air phone call or so. I simply got drifted with sheets, reports, assignments, projects, exams.. etc. so I quit even following the radio!
However, today I got one SMS from a friend, asking to open up “eza3t el a3’ani” because Fareed el Atrash singing :D (Fareed oho, aha, ya 7eta mn albi, oho, aha). Coincidently, my radio dial was tuned to “el bernamg el thakafi” (the cultural program) when I heard a voice I felt quite familiar to. Guess what, I haven’t lost my abilities yet; Can’t forget a voice I once heard, and was true. He was Alaa speaking about blogs.

So, listened to the on going convo. Was pretty nice, however, I didn’t like the phone calls 5als! Was when I heated up, gripped the phone.. Viola, now on air..
Guess I was a bit shaky while talking at first.. PEOPLE! That’s my 1st time ever to talk on air in Arabic on an Egyptian radio station :D the only Arabic time I did was 2 years ago in DW, and in an issue away from blogging, plus, it was recorded.
(PITY ME! I haven't recorded that... hate to be in a hurry always)

Anyways, today was strange enough for me to end up having such an un-expected call (may be I’d talk about the day later).

Now, Off to go study comm. Systems (elli mesh bayn laha awl mn a5r!)

Ps: thanks ya Alaa for the push ;)

الجمعة، ديسمبر 15، 2006

La la laaa…

Originally uploaded by lastoadri.
I was playing with my camera tonight..
You know I joined a forum for teaching photography. Knowing how to express yourself thru arts is a bless. All forms of arts: music, writing, drawing even photographing is yet a form of arts where you find beauty thru a lens.
Today was nothing serious really, I mean, I’m not a pro, not till a few years ahead. However, its one thing I’m keeping in mind now ;) ..

You know that I used to draw?
Oh, yeah.. I used to draw before.. and had a future, that’s how people told me. It wasn’t weird to be so. My uncle is one, and my grandfather to my mother was actually a painter. I can photo his portraits, yeah I will defiantly, just after the coming exam I will isA.

Early in time, when he was still breathing, he got an offer from the Louver to place his paints there. Would you believe he said no?!
That’s a very famous legend in our family. He got a picture in the citadel by the way :)
That’s my grandfather, that I met for only my 1st 3.5 years of my life, but can brag that me and him are 2 identities, 2 different times, yet one copy..

Anyways, I’ll leave you with my new photos set “Orange ”..
Believe it or not, its NOT by Photoshop… just my lil cam. ;)

الخميس، ديسمبر 14، 2006

The last days and.. today..

Up to the sky!
Originally uploaded by lastoadri.
Hmm, today I went to a mobile BTC site with my colleges. It was one fine day :) .. the place wasn’t very beautiful, however, such going outs let people become more near to each other… and Hurray! I did take few shots and even opened my Flicker. The pictures taken today might not seem very beautiful; however I love them for 2 things:
1. my first shots..
2. my first real shots!
Naa, seriously, I loved the weather, the company, even our lecturer went with us and one of the TA’s. that was the best thing about it.

I wasn’t that busy last days,, neither am I now, though surprisingly, I should be. Our Final will start Saturday after the next, one of ALLAH’s most hated subjects to me “communication systems”. But you know, I still can’t believe 5alas, we are dwelling into the finals that fast.. and guess what, in sha2 ALLAH that will be my final year.
I can’t take in the idea fully till now..

I try to delete as much files as possible from my compo, since I’m downloading Linux for the graduation project. Got me excited to finally work on that OS. Might seem something trivial, but you know, it’s like me changing my bedroom furniture. I mean, my compo is like my other parallel life.. soo .. you know.. I feel excited to have a new something in my parallel life. In addition to ba2a, I can now understand what my friends keep talking about when they discuss Linux issues and I sit dump keda, can’t understand a zilch!

What else?!
There is a new Italian movie downloaded already, however, I got no guts to watch anything. Now I’m into deep reading..
You know it’s like phases, 1 phase I read a lot, other phase I watch a lot and the 3rd writing till death. Sometimes I have the normal phase, were I do nearly nothing of the previous 3. That phase is the one I happen to be most depressed and talkative awi bardo. Don’t ask how, but it happens to be that way..

We had an accident today!
You know after we met our TA and Dr., they lead us to the site. So there was one u-turn. No ya rabi.. we were actually lead by our x-mandob lel dof3a to the place where the TA and Dr. waiting for us, then there was a u-turn and suddenly a loud brakes were heard, and my friend driving the car stopped with lots of screaming every where.. !
I hate cars. I really deeply do hate cars.. don’t remember when this complex started, but I was sure of it today when my friend stopped.
There was a car that driving very fast, and tried to get away from the car in front of us, then the driver pressed the brakes intensely, that he lost control and his car moved in a circle to turn 180 degrees and hit the car in front of us! That is our x-mandob el dof3a’s car..

1 second was away between us and him. Just 1 second and it would have been us now, and God knows how it will end… Thank you ALLAH for everything..

The time that passed afterward was all about the accident. Something filled the air tension, even in people’s laughter. Hmm.. or may be that was my impression alone.. I don’t know. I didn’t try to open the subject with anyone again. Seemed painful enough..

Eh, I should go now w keda.. Communication systems tonadi..
Yet you know, I don’t wish to go ..
Tomorrow, I will try to return to my examinations habit and study in the club. Though its bit useless on Fridays.

تعيش بلوجروبيا حرة مستقلة

الذين تحول بعضهم الى قيادات سياسية تريد ان تكون لها كلمتها وتظهر على شاشات الفضائيات لتتحدث باسم المعارضة لمجرد تأسيس موقع على الانترنت يجمع السلبيات ليتراجع الدور "النبيل" لتلك المدونات فى البداية.
يقول معتز عبد الرحمن صاحب مدونة "طالب مصرى" أن هناك عدة سمات تلازم المدونات السيئة، منها عدم وضوح الهدف. بمعنى أن المدون لا يدرى بوضوح لماذا أصبح مدونا؟ أى أن قراره بالتدوين أصلا كان قرارا عاطفيا حماسيا وليس ناتجا عن دراسة وتفكير. فترى الموضواعت ممزقة ان لم تكن متناقضة أحيانا، وعدم وضوح الهدف يلاحظ على مستوى المدونة بشكل عام او على مستوى الموضوع الواحد.
ويوضح صاحب مدونة "طالب مصرى" هذه النقطة بقوله هناك مدونات تظهر لأشخاص لمجرد أنهم أخوة أو أصدقاء لمدونين، وتجد فى افتتاحية مدونته يقول انهم واجهوا الحاحا شديدا من أخيه او صديقه او كذا ليقوم بعمل مدونة، وفى الواقع هو لا يحب الكتابة ولا صاحب رأى ولا يريد ان يضيف شيئا جديدا، ولذلك غالبا لا يستمر وينتج عن ذلك انخراط غير هاو او غير محب للكتابة فيها.
ويشدد آخرة كلامه على السلبيات ان هناك من يقول بان المدونة أمر شخصى ومن حق صاحبها أن يكتب ما يشاء. ولكن هل لابد أن يكون التعبير عن الرأى وملء الفراغ فى أمور غير مفيدة.
لهذا لا أفهم كيف يخرج المدون ليتظاهر فى الشوارع ليحتج بفمه ويده. بينما يمكنه ان يفعل ذلك بطريقة متحضرة عن طريق الكتابة. طبعا أنا ضد ان يخرج المدون عن دوره ككاتب ويقوم بهذه الأفعال التى تسئ الى جموع المدونين.
وبالطبع سيستمر انتشار المدونات أكثر وأكثر ولن تقف أيه رقابة أمام هذا الطوفان الالكترونى. لهذا من المهم ان يكون هناك ميثاق شرف والاتفاق على مبادئ عامة تجعل المدونات نوافذ مفتوحة امام كل المصريين يتنفسون منها هواء نقيا بدون عنف او الفاظ خادشة للحياء.

وبعد الاستفادة من المادة العلمية المقدمة فى مقال مجلة "صباح الخير" واللى لقيته بالصدفة عند د. مشيل حنا فى مدونته مستنقعات الفحم...
أطالب المدونين والمدونات.. الأحياء منهم و الغير أموات... باجراء اجتماع طارئ وعاجل، لتشكيل لجنة، ينبثق منها لجنة، ويتفرع من نهاية دورانها لجنة، تعمل فى طريق موازى للجنة على ايدك الشمين، لتحضير الجلسة الختامية لسفراء البلوجات فى جمهورية بلوجروبيا الغير متحدة... لسن القوانين ثم الغائها و تعديل الدساتير ثم الغائها برضو.. وتحديد (وبدقة) اللى معانا فى هدف البلوجاوية النبيل، واللى معاهم من السيئين..
على أنه، أنه.. أنه... يجوز العقوبة بالحرمان من التدوين لمدة قد تزيد او تقصر على حسب رأى زعيم المبلوجية المنتخب من اللجنة المنشقة عن اللجنة المنبثقة للجنة الموازية للدوران الشمين...

بى اس:
حقيقى، أول مرة أعرف ان للتدوين "هدف نبيل"! لذلك رجائى الآخير.. ان عشت وشوفت جمهورية بلوجروبيا. ياريت تسرعوا فى عروض المصايف والرحلات للمبلوجين... والا ح عتذر عن الهوية، اعتصم فى بلوجى... وأنضم "للمدونين اخوان"...

بجد بجد... ضحكتونى وأنا عندى ميكرووفز...

الاثنين، ديسمبر 11، 2006

Somebody stop me!!

I was going to write something again depressed, when I checked our official forum, and something urged me to laugh out loud like crazy…..
I mean, I still can’t help myself… El dof3a deh, mehaysa awiiiiii…

Especially the replies under this note sent by our “microwaves” TA…

"Assalam Alicom,
The exam will be held on Wed ISA... End of story.
Study well..."

its our 2nd time this term to have some one telling us, we are the most annoying class :D

PS: thanks to Bava, Amira, Sheryos and his books, my dof3a… my gtalk…. And my pen and paper…
The last state would have lasted longer… but with them… who can resist!

Bottom line: In a world like our world.. There are no limits seperating limits and extremes...

الأحد، ديسمبر 10، 2006


I’m terribly tired these days and out of my nerves. Try to hold myself up, but can’t. each time I reply and reply vulnerably Kaman! No wonder people are giving me up..
May be that’s better…

I want to shut up.. yes! Closed my mobile 24/7 again, unless for alarm adjust… and unplugged my room phone bl mara. The msn is nearly closed… only left with gtalk, for the stupid project biz…. those who know me, realized I am not talking as much as before now, and became very silly.. not even when I heard the best of news today.. I took it “3adi..”.
Spend hours looking at the nothing on the screen without any proper benefit I can tell…
May be I increased listening to music these days?!
Guess right.. I listen like 24/7, can’t give up anything and everything.. even started listening to Jewish music from unknown places.. what the heck as long as there is something playing beside me..
I have the description to that, but can’t use it… its improper word I guess..

I am not good! Yes…
I wish to put the “shoe” pic as my avatar.. but I don’t wish to bardo… people will start asking “hay what’s wrong!” and I’ll yell in their faces…

My uncle is in the hospital, and probably will go out tomorrow because the doctor said “there is not hope, alas”.. soo, its only a matter of days… I don’t know..
I’ll miss him very… I want to go visit him awi and give him the biggest hug ever and cry with him…. Bas I can’t…
So hard to know you are waiting for….
So hard… I can’t go and see him this way… the last time was a heart breaking time to me….. imagine if I went now..
I hate me for being a coward this way….. ana gabana.. ana gabana awi awi ..

I have to sleep, but I’m sick of having to do list of things..
Have to go to sleep, have to drink, have to eat, to study .. even to breath…

Why don’t we do what we do cause we want to do it? Why always you find limits, boundaries and equations?!
You can’t take the ultimate maximum; instead you have to work out the optimum…

I don’t wish to have your optimum; your pills are no longer working for me…
Really people, get out of my face for the moment….. I hate it to show happy face because I don’t wish to hear the word “malek?!”

Mali, mana zay el fol… wl 7ayah ra23a w a5r enbsat……..

“get the hell out of here” the only phrase that struck in my head with ever fake smile forced to do.. but they can’t understand.. they can’t understand a thing….

W ana gabana awi,,, w da3efa awi,, w 3’abya awi awi awi…..

Give me enough space to breath, if you even force to do it!

الجمعة، ديسمبر 08، 2006

He said, She said..

> hmmmmm..let me tell U a story then.
once there was a guy who wanted to be something.
so he promised himself when he got into the college that he'll do his best to get great grades in college
1st ,2nd,3rd he was doing OK
4th year he got bored of it all.
and he got pass
and in this country the final yeag grade waht really matters
so my advice to U...Pls. don't let it get into U..U R almost there....and only one step away from getting ride of lots of chains.

>> yeah, u r right as always
it needs more trying..

> I know
but trust me.....if U do your best this year ISA u'll remember these words later on...and ted3eely

>> ok,,, so i'll go study
look, i'll write them on my desk..
I know, i'll warm up by these words...

I never find enough "thank you" words for your support my dear friend :)

Can't talk..

Take to me.. show up and tell me everything is going to be OK!
Everything should be OK! Right?
We’ll go visit him again soon.. and he’ll be smiling as usual..
He’ll b smiling , but not showing any laughter.. sadness in his eyes.. ok,, don’t mind at all as long as he’d be ther for us..
We won’t get a word from what he’d be saying… I’ll nod my head to make him feel comfy and not to think he’s not understood, thought its true
I never caught a single word he said
But he’d return back safe and sound, right?
Tell me.. itell me its fine now.. and mother can go to bake him the cake… we’ll go visit him in the eid..
God please… not every eid some one passes…

I hate this life… I hate it…
Why do we live when every time we have to miss someone dear…..

Come around and lie to me.. I will believe you
I need to believe the lies…. I need to forget..
No, he’s not leaving that quick, was always strong and can make it life long.. he’s not leaving
He’ll return back come and we’ll visit him in the eid,, God I wont say I am studying, I promise,, and I’ll go visit him all day long and photo all his drawings… he never believed himself an artist,,, but he is one at heart,,
I feel helpless….. I feel terribly helpless…. Awfully helpless……..
And my mother.. I don’t wish to see her this way GOD please…. YA RAB…. YA RAB…

I will feel guilty if it ever happened and I didn’t visit him not in the hospital… but I can’t.. I really cant, and feel me a cowerd,, yes I am a cowerd ever since I saw him last time and can’t smile…. He’s condition was worst.. and I couldn’t see him this way.. I left!
And now……
YAAA RAB… YAAA RAB…. You are the only one to ask now… Help him for his kids and my mother…

الخميس، ديسمبر 07، 2006

..قريبة من قلبى قوى

"لما تستبد المدن.."

بى اس:
لارجاع الحق لاصحابه، فقد كتبت ما كتبت بعدما قرأت كلام eyewitness فى ليلة من ذات الليالى
حتى وان لم يكن هناك ترابط واضح بين الفكرتين.. فهنالك دوما خط رفيع لا مرئى يجمع كل احاديثنا عن الحياة.. معنا


Who ever got the previous post via RSS readers...
Just forget it... its deleted for some reasons..

Thanks for your patience...

الأربعاء، ديسمبر 06، 2006

Shop around the corner, again :)

Phew, I’ve just finished watching one of the most beautiful movies I’ve ever knew.. “U’ve got mail” can’t u smell the charm coming out of this 3 words phrase.. U’ve.. got.. mail.. aww!
I wondered a lot why do I consider it my ultimate favorite movie of all times. Sometimes I fully believe that I am “Kathleen Kelly” herself. I know you might think it’s a silly thought to believe, but I feel the connection between me and her all through different roads of life. Especially this phrase where she was reading a mail sent to “Joe Fox”:

“Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.”

How many times I asked myself that specific part and in that specific order?! Mm.. yeah, I do a lot.. Using the words “Dear void”, “dear friend”,,, all those are hers. Even having that taste of understanding people without a single word!.. I’m not in a state to brag about it, but really those who knows me in person understand the feeling senses I got; just like “Kathleen Kelly”..
If for any chance I got to live a movie, instantly I’ll choose to be her in that adorable movie, even if it went forever.. I won’t mind, I won’t mind at all. *especially it was our favorite movie, but alas, you no longer care :( , though you’re still the best my friend*

- You're crazy about him...
- Yes. I am.
- Then why don't you run off with him? What are you waiting for?
- I don't actually know him.
- Really?
- We only know each other - oh, God, you're not going to believe this...
- Let me guess. From the Internet.
- Yes.
- You've got mail.
- Yes.
- Three very powerful words.
- Yes.

Today I was off to another meeting in collage; well it wasn’t very beautiful in fact. I mean I didn’t enjoy it to the fullest, though our team was awarded for the best team work this month. Mm.. I guess we deserve such a thing though it’s not that important, we already love each other this way or another. May be we’ve been out of getting in touch lately *life always ruins the purest of all pure moments* but somehow I don’t mind. I’ll still love our moments together, and cherish them deep in my heart :)
Ah, but the best thing that really happened then, was the book. Oops! Hadn’t I tell you I was waiting for a book, let me check the previous post..
Yeah! I did mention that. I asked a friend to buy it for me, actually Sheryos was. And to my surprise he got it right the 2nd day.. WOHOOW! I actually started reading it already *quite enthusiastic, U bet ;) * but apparently the writer uses a difficult language style I am not used to, so I guess going to take some more time until I’ll get used to it. :) .. but just to remember the note: “I thank U ya sheryos for that, u’ve added one more beautiful gesture to my day”
But the comment I’ll never forget in my entire life is from our AC head, he just told me: “u talk to people as if they are a sound source, nothing more or less. U focus as if you’re listening to radio.” .. Excellent remark I didn’t pay attention to though it’s really MY-VERY-OWN-SELF!!!

- When you read a book as a child, it becomes a part of your identity in a way that no other reading in your whole life does.

Then after the meeting I waited for the bus on the bus stop with my lovely friend, Bavalova. We’ve waited and waited and waited.. nearly all the people left while we were standing in the exact place when suddenly an idea jumped in both of our minds at once *Lets party*. It wasn’t parting in the exact literal meaning, but rather lets have some fun. So I called my mother: “mum we’ll go for a walk right now down town, and we’ll have lunch as well, don’t worry.. ok thanks mum.. byee”
Then TADA, we took the 1st bus and zooooot off down town. We’ve wondered here and there. We ate in the street “Shawrma” then ice cream *surely my favorite flavor was 1st choice :P*. after ice-creaming in that cold weather with loud and wild giggles all through the way we went up stairs in a mall shopping. Actually wasn’t shopping, but rather wondering between cloths shelves :D .. nearly we’ve made fun on each and every single piece we’ve met. YAY! Jumping to my feet now, it was no doubt not-less than LOVELY time together..

-What about you, is there someone else?
-No. No, but, but there's the dream of someone else.

As I returned back home I dashed for a nap about an hour and a half. Dead tired, exhausted, sleep.. blah blah.. When I wake up, “U’ve got mail” was already waiting for me. Made my hot cup of green tea with jasmine, sat on living room’s couch , holding a pillow with lots of handkerchiefs waiting… *sigh* just when the show just begun :)

-You know, sometimes I wonder...
- What?
- Well... if i hadn't been "Fox Books" and you hadn't been "The Shop Around the Corner," and you and I had just met...
- I know.
- Yeah, yeah. I would've asked for your number. And I wouldn't have been able to wait 24 hours before calling you up and saying, Hey, how about... oh, how about some coffee, or drinks, or dinner, or a movie... for as long as we both shall live?

Couple of minutes later I found a friend calling me, we’ve already fixed a date for another going out.. How splendid you’re life goes when you take it to the wildest!
Ah! After I hung up I went to clean the kitchen humming and singing “somewhere over the rainbow” however, looks I made some noise that wake my mother up. She approached and we started some talks and gossips ;) then we sung a song together in the middle of the night. How can I describe the feeling! Just do you have a word in the dictionary that would clearly describe the feeling of flying way up high.
I love You mum..
Hadn’t I told you I believe I am “Kathleen Kelly”.. and I now believe that ever more, though entirely different versions but.. for the same copy..

-Don't cry, Shopgirl. Don't cry.
- I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly.

Good night Cairo, it was splendid living today


PS: Today I watched the movie, actually JUST finished the movie, and so I remembered this post i wrote last January.. The odd thing about it, is the memories, that quite similar to today's memories as well :) I had a meeting, and Sheryos gave me a new book.. May be I didnt party with Bava. today, or sing with mother.. or even drink a cup of tea :) .. However..... I still feel it badly, and so I brought it to life again..
Thanks for however will be reading..

The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.

وعندها.. أكتب هذا

عند تلك النقطة، تشعر باغترابك. تضم يدك اليك بعنفٍ حديث عليك وتلملمك الى نفسك بقوة، فلا تشعر بعدها بشئ. سرمدية تنتشر فى فكرك، وأنت تنظر حولك، تجد الاشياء فجأة اختفت. التفاصيل لم يعد لها وجود، والحياة باتت خطوط مستقيمة تشير الى طرق كثيرة، تفضى الى مكان واحد... فى لحظة واحدة.

تسأل نفسك كيف ومتى وصلت الى هناك دون ان تشعر. لم يقودك أحد غيرك، ولن تجد غيرك لتستفهم "أين أنا؟".
الذكريات تصبح رماديات متناثرة، تذكرك متلعثمة بشئ مختبئ فى مكان ما بالذاكرة. شئ يعود بك الى الوراء قليلاً، عندما كنت تشعر انك تتنفس ابعد من بعض الزفرات. عندها كنت انسان. تستبد بك بهجة قطرات الندى الباكرة، وتلسعك حبات المطر الوحيدة. ترى نفسك فى مرآتك الصباحية، وجهك هو ذاته الذى عرفته منذ ان وعيت وجود ذاتك.

ثم تستيقظ يوماً لتجدك محدقاً فى الزجاج العاكس ولا تعرف من هذا الواقف.
أنا؟... أنا لم أكن أبدا كذلك..
أنت؟.. أجبنى أيها الغامض.. من أنت اذاً؟
لكنه لا ينطق.. لا ينطق أبدا.. بل يزيد نظراته البلهاء تجاهك..

تسأل نفسك كثيرا اسئلة بلا معنى ولا جواب.. بل بلا سؤال. وعندما تدرك أنك وصلت تلك النقطة أخيرا، عندها وعندها فقط، ستتأكد من إغترابك فى المكان و الزمان.. تفقد ذاتك فى متاهاتها.. تمل البكاء وتكفكف محاولات الاكتشاف..

وفى التفاتة سريعة، تجد الاصوات اختفت من الشوارع المجاورة، تبهت معالم الحركة، يصمت أنين الزفرات، تختلط نهايات القصص، يعشش العنكبوت خيوط الافكار المنسوجة حديثا، تفقد حس النكهات، تستعجب ضحك الأطفال... وتختفى التفاصيل..

I feel cold..

Wake up to know from people, it actually rained today..

And why do I feel… blank right now?
Empty .. thoughts and soul..

My favorite guitar CD is playing… and something inside me is saying something..
I can’t get…

I spent like an hour or so today gazing at the clock.. and nothing else..
Nothing else at all..

It rained and I was sleeping… and…. Today I am not feeling OK..
As if, I am waiting and waiting for something to happen..
I can feel it.. something not good ..

الاثنين، ديسمبر 04، 2006

The “I don’t know” syndrome

It needs one time you say something, and discover later it was wrong; the 2nd time you’ll find people looking at you a look you HATE! So you’ll shake and tremble the 3rd time, and end up a person who “doesn’t know”..

Look, today I spent the 1st and 2nd lectures with Dr. E. it is ok having him. In fact, I respect him fully. A man of manners, unique mentality.. American style shewaya, due his living abroad for long time.. however, he drives me sick by his way of sticking to rules!
Rules might Not be made to be broken, however, life will seem dull if you ever live that punctual. Plus, his way of dealing with people that makes you feel you are nothing compared, though you know he means no offense…. The sad thing, its true..

Nonetheless, I couldn’t –only- follow up with him till the end of the 2 lectures, BUT, I had to attend a meeting with him AGAIN, because he is the supervisor dr. on my graduation project ..
Funny, huh?!
If I were the “Super Bluelue”.. what powers I ask for myself, and whom I’d fight?
2 years ago, when Osama discussed a similar issue on Z-Tok, I phoned in to say: “I wish to have “people’s love” as my power”.. now I don’t think I will..
The answer looks silly a little. I can give u all life’s charms, but you won’t be loved by people still. Not like giving you money, then you’ll be immediately rich. As, giving you knowledge, however you are not that smart still.. soo… no, if I am in the position to ask for something won’t be people’s love!
Won’t be money as well (fake dream), won’t be power (evil).. won’t be beauty (you know my concept), won’t be knowledge (I can gain it myself), not being humble (no one is known for him/her beaing humble 8full stop*, its something and humble) and not being popular either (hate me when I’m at the focus)!
So what will I ever choose.. I don’t know..

Let me think the other way round. Whom I’d fight 1st?!
My self, I hate those ignorant people who think themselves something while they are nothing AT ALL. Those who brag about their shallow minds, and think they are the center of the universe.. while no one is!

Today, when dr. E. asked us to introduce ourselves, I forgot my name..
That never happened to me before. I am good..
I can make it..
A good girl I am..
Yes, yes.. I am..

But apparently sometimes I am not.. sometimes I need time to warm up and gain myself confidence again…
Hated myself awi after it, and kept talking to Bavalova that I can’t make it with this dr. I know him hard and I can hardly pass any of his questions :S .. she was excellent help as usual… “no, no… we passed harder times” she kept reminding me…
And yes we did!
So me, yes.. I wish to affect people. My permanent wish. To leave a mark hinting for me ever after. Man’s ever dream: immortality. Not in the physical sense, but to be recognized for a longer term period for something useful.
Know myself 1st, knowing the right place the right time, then giving as much as I can..

Ah! But how can me when I am into the “I don’t know” phase.

I am not afraid of anything in particular as much as those few moments I say or react as “I don’t know”, not because I really don’t know.. but afraid to say it then regret… or say it incorrectly.. or say it thru a missing link…

I want my super powers to “help people get out the best of them, to discover how beautiful species they are”.. and most importantly, to help me fetch all that within me, at times I need it the most… so I won’t have the “I don’t know” syndrome any more..

الأحد، ديسمبر 03، 2006

ain't it lovely..?!

Was taken today in my Comm. Lab.
The colored TV experiment..

PS: the above is a different representation for the "Pal color bars"

السبت، ديسمبر 02، 2006

Reason comes when no reason found

On my way back home, I had the largest grin drawn on my face since few weeks ago. Now I don’t remember a reason for that sudden happiness, looks like things happen for no reason more than for one, these days :)

And after stepping off the bus, I found me humming “Top of the worldagain !
And ya, why not me on the top of the world these days.. and seriously, for no reason :)
Let you have such days and for no reason too ;)

Such a feelin's coming over me
There is wonder in most ev'ry thing I see,
Not a cloud in the sky got the sun in my eyes,
And I -- won't be surprised if it's a dream.

Ev'rything I want the world to be,
Is now coming true especially for me,
And the reason is clear - It's because you are here,
You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen

I'm on the -- top of the world lookin'
down on creation and the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I've found, ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world

Something in the wind has learned my name,
and it's tellin' me that things are not the same,
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze,
there's a pleasin' sense of happiness for me.

There is only one wish on my mind,
When this day is through I hope that I will find,
That tomorrow will be just the same for you and me,
All I need -- will be mine if you are here.

I'm on the -- top of the world lookin'
down on creation and the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I've found, ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world

I'm on the -- top of the world lookin'
down on creation and the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I've found, ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world

Pissed off!

Never hated 2 kinds of people as much as I hated: people who ask something, and just you can’t say no, because if they didn’t notice themselves it’s an embarrassing request, then they won’t ever understand (nas m3ndahash dam ml a5r).. the 2nd, people who know you just when they need something.. (w ma aktahrhom!)

I know, sometimes I appear as the 2nd type, but never ever the 1st. It happens that, ok, try to check on people from time to time. Try to keep in contact thru any other light thing that won’t seem I am asking about something…
Yet damn the 1st!
I had this request today and can’t have any way out. I tried to slow in replying the request. I tried to say any stupid reason not to do it! But how can I ever convince that person its off my limits! Especially that she’s a friend…

The 2nd type, met them twice tonight… and thru light words I did say what I want (mn ta7t li ta7t).. I am not a toy on the shelve. I’ll help, I love to help any person.. yet don’t corner me for just the magical source of help!

You know what, I swear, wallahi, I bite hardly…
Only if you pushed more often…

الجمعة، ديسمبر 01، 2006

This is my december

Looks like December started with a not very happy beginning, I think I’m on the verge of having cold!
My teeth are ticking badly though I am over wearing. Its quite strange since all the people say the weather is average. However, my bones that are aching now, assuring me… finally “catching cold” series, has finally started :S

Rabna ystor..

PS: the title is a song by Josh Groban..

الخميس، نوفمبر 30، 2006

A message to YOU

The last couple of days, I discovered few of the strangest people follow this tiny corner of mine. Each one I knew individually represents one beautiful surprise that makes my day brighter and other days to come.
Therefore before its too late, as I always like to spend my life, I’d love to thank each and every one of you who waste few of his/her minutes of the day as you are taking your cup of coffee, talking to someone at work or watching tv… to follow, comment, check on me frequently.. or simply read then leave in peace..

Know that YOU, and YOU alone, the one who make my virtual life seems much prettier..

Love you begad :)

Salamati, Blue

الأربعاء، نوفمبر 29، 2006

وخلى قلبك خالى

وفى نص الطريق افتكرها لما وقفت فجأة وقالت:
"ولو كنت قوى ولا ضعيف، ناوى تصمد أو تنهزم... بتحاسب لها ولا على بساط الكريم.. نصيحة خدها ببساطة.. على مهلك.. ولا يهمك ابتسامة النهاردة الباهته، بكره ح تبقى ملونة.. خليك دايما مبسوط كدة... واضحك.. اضحك جواك قوى.. وسمع نفسك دايما... "الدنيا دى عبيطة قوى..""

لحظتها وقف فى مكانه، وعافر يشوف آخرة الطريق الطويل.. ولما تعب، رجع يمشى من تانى وفى نفسه بيقول...
"الدنيا دى فعلا.. عبيطة قوى.."

بى اس:
العنوان من أغنية "يادنيا يا غرامى" لمحمد عبد الوهاب


الثلاثاء، نوفمبر 28، 2006

Show time: La Finestra di Fronte

I saw the movie yesterday in a hurry. There was a rush of phone calls, due few phone calls with some people keda, in addition to my lack of concentration due my latest in the graduation project issue and last but not least few phone calls with my mother’s friend.

Whatever the reasons are, I can tell you explicitly “La Finestra di Fronte” is a worth watch movie!
Look, the story might be over used. Fate playing with our lives, and us torn between choices, dreams, commitment and sacrifice.
At a time I felt the old man is “fate” or “destiny” talking to the protagonist (Giovanna) and her neighbor (Lorenzo). And it might be true. You know, you might be wandering in a street some where then you discover your life turned upside down after. Or you might meet someone sometime and discover later, this coincidence was meant for a life time. There you know after fate was in that place or that person.
And so, I loved it for that spinning thought.. “where fate lies?!”

Forget about the average ending, however, you WILL find yourself diving into the movie scenes. The emotional perspective in the movie is very rich. The director is more than fantastic! The cast awesome especially the old man (Simone) he is excellent. I felt passion with his every word and twist.

Mm, I was never a movie critique.. so I don’t have much to say but “I loved the movie, especially the background music was fabulous”..

Before I go, I wish to thank Film69, if it weren’t for his blog I won’t have known such a movie.
And last but not least, you might read this review I passed by chance… and guess I 2nd it all..

Cheers and good luck

The theme song: Gocce di Memoria
The theme OST: L'Amore perduto - Il pensiero de Te
Another review: Facing windows

Bits and pieces

1. Had I ever mentioned my project is pure JINX! O, yes it is!
Two and a half month passed and STILL I can’t know for certain where am I.. so pissed till the limits ba2a…
Hate college, hate the every thing..

2. Finished my exams today. Supposedly I did. Though I know “it never rains, it pours” would be my motto in a matter of days only (ie: I mean reports and stuff)

3. My brother’s graduation party was a blast. Very beautiful and should be mentioned somewhere, but got no time.. tweak tweak…

4. Finished watching the Italian movie “facing windows”… and YES! Charming as I thought…..

5. My intuition can’t fail me now! Deep down I know, today’s phones weren’t for God’s sake keda..

الاثنين، نوفمبر 27، 2006

دائما هكذا

هل أخاف الموت؟ بالطبع. ومن لا يخافه؟ أسأل نفسى كيف سيباغتنى: فى الواحة برصاصة؟ أو كموت عادى بعد مرض قصير أو طويل؟ فى حادثة عابرة؟ باختناق فى الحمام أو تسمم من طعام؟ هل يأتى بدون أيه مقدمات على الاطلاق؟ مئات الأشكال تختبئ فى زوايا مظلمة من الطريق لتنقض مرة واحدة هى نفسها النهاية.
أتعمد كثيراً أن أنسى فى هذه الرحلة أمى. أراها فى انتظارى فى تلك الليلة عند عودتى الى البيت. تجلس على مقعدها الكبير الى جوار السرير، بينما ترقد الخادمة على الأرض مستغرقة فى النوم. كنت أعرف أن أمى لا تنام قبل أن تطمئن الى عودتى وقبل أن تسألنى سؤالها التقليدى ان كان أخى سليمان قد كتب رسالة من الشام. فى الغالب لا تكون هناك أية رسالة ولكنى أطمئنها بأنى سمعت أنه هو وأولاده بخير. قبّلت كالعادة رأسها ويدها وسألتها ان كانت بحاجة الى شئ. طلبت كوباً من الماء لأن قلبها لم يطاوعها أن توقظ الخادمة. وقبل أن أصل الى باب الغرفة نبهتنى "من القلة البنى"، ثم لاحقتنى "وفى الكوب النحاس".
ذهبت الى الصالة حيث تضع القلل. فى صينية على إفريز الشباك البحرى، ورفعت القلة الى تبخّرها دائماً بالمستكة وتغطيها بمفرش رقيق مخرّم والتى يبرد فيها الماء بالفعل أكثر من غيرها. صببت الماء فى الكوب النحاسى المزخرف بفروع نباتات ملونة ورجعت الى الغرفة وفى نيتى أن أداعبها عن هذا الكوب الذى لا تشرب الا منه لان أبى أهداه لها ذات يوم. مرة دقيقة واحدة أو دقيقتان مع هذه الأشياء، وعندما فتحت الباب والكوب فى يدى، رأيت رأسها يميل على صدرها. اقتربت منادياً فلم تجيبنى واكتشفت أنها انتهت.

من رواية "واحة الغروب"
للرائع دائما "بهاء طاهر"
عن "روايات الهلال" لشهر نوفبر 2006

الأحد، نوفمبر 26، 2006

..هنالك التقينا

ساعات متواصلة والكتاب واقفٌ على مكتبى، نتبادل النظراتِ فى تحدٍ ظاهر، فأحسستُ ببعض السخرية تتسلل الي أوردتى، تشبعنى ببرودة الماضى فى خفية متناهية..
بقعة زيت عالقة على صفحة مهترئة بلا غلاف تحت عنوان الكتاب.. "النبى" مكتوبة بخطٍ عريض أخضر، وتحتها بخطٍ أصغر قليلا "الطبعة الثانية"... ويسكن أعلى امضاء باللون الاسود...
أحمد محمد
القاهرة فى 14/9/1967

أعبر للصفحة المقابلة لأجد نفس الشخص يخاطبنى عبر عصورٍ بعيدة. بنفس خطه ولكن نبرة قلمٍ أزرق مختلف..
"لعل هذا الكتاب النفيس يكون من أمتع ما ترجم دكتور ثروت عكاشة. وأشهد بغير تواضع وبغير ادعاء ان هذا الكتاب من أمتع ما قرأت على الاطلاق"..
أحمد محمد..

لكنه هو.. من يكون ليرافقنى طوال رحلتى بين صفحات كتابى العزيز؟ من يكون لنلتقى هناك فوق الورق، يرشدنى بأقواله تارة ويلاطفنى بعلامته تارة أخرى...

تعجبتُ واحترت فى امره كثيراً..
يا هذا الصوت البعيد.. لمن تكون؟ وكيف أعرفك الآن.. وان فعلت هل ستعرفنى؟ وكيف يكون كتابك من أمتع ما قرأت، وتتركه وحده يطوف المكان حتى يستقر أمامى وعينه ملئ عينى.. يحملق بى فى تحدٍ وسخرية؟
هل هى روح الصدفة، أم حقاً مداعباتِ القدر؟

ظنى انك رحلت عن غيابات الحاضر ولم يُقدر ورثتك قيمة ما تركت، وظنى أننى سأرث باقى ما تركت فى يوما ما أيضا.. او لعلك اضعته مرة فى مكان لا تعرفُ كُنَته، فالتقفته يد حنون، صانته حتى وصلنى..
او ربما.. ربما اصابك نفسُ احساسى بالزحف الورقى على مكتبك الصغير، فاخترت التضحية... وقد يكون مجرد صديقٌ آخر لك استلفه فى ليلة منسية، وغاب وسط طرقاتِ الزمن...
وقد يكون...
أه.. أكرهنى حينما أجهل ويعجز تفكيرى هكذا..
لكنك أنت.. تبقى معى الآن منفردا تؤنسنى بصوتك، تحادثنى دون أن أعى وجودك.. ومن حيثُ لا أدرى..

السبت، نوفمبر 25، 2006


Again same old story.. when I feel hatred for someone I used to like.. bl a7ra, its not hatred, but feeling of disgust.. or may be.. nop.. not disgust.. feeling that suddenly wide towns and villages built between us and I don’t wish to cross it anymore!
I know how to react to this, don’t try to nag me. Don’t try to impose your picture in my life, I will even hate you more. Just leave me to calm down, until I am whole again and will return back. I will return back with a smile, a joke, an email.. an sms.. or a simple Hello..

Now I have someone in that phase with me, and the other someone I am in that phase with her.
Both ways, I will hang the issue as a matter of time. I do not want to talk about it.
Though I know, now, I hate both of them, despite both are my best and closest friends..

After a day like today..

May be all I need, a hot cup of anything, a nice book and Sort Yussif (my favorite) read by El Menshawy playing at the background..
Then I might go sleep or die.. it doesn’t really make a difference…

الجمعة، نوفمبر 24، 2006

Not a "thank U" messege...

At 1st I wasn't much encouraged to do it. Yet after reading the reactions I'd ask anyone who applied and felt offended by itoot because they didnt even reply with a single line, then Place this on your blogs..

Anti itoot

Yuppie, Got it yesterday...

Summary: The Casio Exilim EX-Z120 is a compact, metal bodied digital camera that provides very good 7 megapixel images. The camera provides a good 2" screen, excellent battery life, a good video mode, and an average macro mode. The camera provides a mode for every type of digital camera user, from the very beginner, to the advanced expert and the digital camera is very easy to use in all modes. The camera doesn't appear to cut back on features, yet still manages to provide excellent value for money as one of the cheapest 7 megapixel, 3x optical zoom digital cameras available. The Casio Exilim EX-Z120 is definitely recommended!

الخميس، نوفمبر 23، 2006

A journey..

You only have to buy one gum pack to find your 5L.E. .. puff… all gone!

I was passing by the newspaper old man on the college’s corner today, when I found a new volume for Fouad Hadad, “YAY! Now I have 4 parts… what a treasure”, so I thought. There was another book for Bahaa Taher, yet didn’t have enough money to buy el 7a2e2a. So asked the man to leave me a copy till Saturday. I’d dye to buy it, like how I always do..
I am weak when it comes to books and stuff as such. My mother always fights with me because never had the saving money luxury. It’s always and always my money is “wasted” –so how she thinks- on nothing –that’s books, from her point of view as well-! Yet, if I bought make up for example - which I disgust- she’d never talk!
Again the same old fashionable look for a female in our society. Her looks not her mind.. Her body not her soul…
>> “sheddy 7elk..” a voice was talking to me, so turned around to see its B. greeting..
>> “eeh! 3andk analoge bardo?!”
> “ah, but what I am holding is not” and showed him the Fouad Hadad’s book, so he nodded..
>> “yes, I know you are that…..” and I didn’t concentrate in whatever he was telling after wards. I hate it when someone comes around to disturb when you finally feel Happy, “I connected with myself!”
Gosh, this world won’t leave you alone.

The exam wasn’t pretty, however good enough not to feel that disappointed. This year I am not into studying at all. I heard it a lot, when you enter your last year you lose your eagerness for learning.. and YES I lost it awi. Can’t study at all, can’t even talk about studying. My biggest dream is to graduate and work. I wish to work today before tomorrow so I can buy all the books without someone interfering “you waste your money on nonsense!” neyahahahaaaa
By God’s sake, what’s the hell is that!

There I sat beside some guy keda on my way back home. Looks a middle age person, with a childish face, and childish attitude as well. He opened his mobile and started listening to all the stupid ness of rap and hip hop music! I loath it.. for quite a good time wished to tell him “PLEASE put your ear phone!” .. again similar disturbance.
Disconnected.. again..

Wasn’t a coward before, yet didn’t find a will inside to enter any sort of discussion with anyone. I wanted to keep looking out of the window and that’s it. Never to think of anything else. Till the moment I reached my peak, and was about to yell at his face.. However, he actually switched it off! Strange isn’t it..?!

Did I say I didn’t wish to think?
Yes, I did
I saw a girl wearing a very strange 3abaya. Myself, never wore a 3abaya before, and guess won’t. Not because I am not a strong Muslim, yet.. I don’t like the perspective itself! I don’t know.. I don’t feel liking it as much as I don’t like boys with long beards and short trousers! By God’s sake, if you’d to wear something that you think is not in your culture then at least behave to it! I don’t know begad… can’t understand this mentality as well.. all the extremist mentalities (whether rightists or leftists) are still so vague to me. May be one day I would get to know someone behaving this way to get it.

When that all dragged me into another something I noticed while the bus was moving. Lets say.. hmm.. Almost 15% only of the cars moving around us didn’t have religious symbols…

In our car, there is The Holy Quran placed, however in a locked drawer. Never ever showed to the public. I can hardly remember a day my father walked with a seb7a. Nor did I!
Yes, I remember once I had this key chain as a Ka3baa, I used to use for quite sometime, not because it’s a religious figure yet because my mother brought it to me when she went to a pilgrimage, and so I love to keep anything from her with me always. Now I keep it in my memories box to preserve it longer. My new key chain is simply a colorful hand :) I could have bought it “Besm ALLAH” or something as such.. yet never thought of it this way.. Mm,, ok,, my necklace even is not anything Islamic.. Its just a heart and a key! (I might talk about it later on)..

The above thoughts even dragged me further to another thought. My Christian father friends, almost 90% of them are called “Atef”.. “Nagi”.. “Anwar”… etc. however the newer generation (that is their kids) are almost 80% called “Micheal”.. “Bishoy”.. “John”.. etc. I don’t know about Islamic names.. I believe “Mohamed” and “ahmed” I guess it was there life long.. or what you think? Didn't follow el 7a2e2a..
I am not to prove a theory, or to state a fact. Just thinking… ah.. my mind never rests.. always thinks keda..
May be its time to open up..

Now I am reading a new book about the mamaleek history in Egypt. It might be the strangest of all to talk about. And guess I will talk about it later on “lasto adri” Arabic blog, because guess it deserves..

OK! The exams week is over, partially over in fact.. still got one final exam on Monday, however won’t worry my mind that much now. I’ll play today, at night will go out with family isA (tell you about it later as well), and tomorrow will be the day! My brother’s graduation party..

Yalla, see you around people..
And welcome Void, my old friend..
Tada, Blue..

F.a.b.u.l.o.u.s !!

She is F.a.b.u.l.o.u.s !! Just finished listening the song “Hob eh” on “Eza3t el a3’any” where Om Klathom repeated the 2nd part 3 times… you know those lines:
بعت قلبى.. بعت حبى
بعتنى وفاكرنى ليه
أستنى قربك ليه؟
Ya ALLAH! She’s miraculous.. each time she starts those lines, I quite whatever at hand and listen carefully! Something indescribable fills me in begad!
Breath taking keda..

Earlier today, I listened to “Lessa fakr” on the “Om kalthoum” station at 5:00, and even earlier “a2olak eh 3n el sho2 ya 7abiby” on “eza3t el a3’any” as well at the 3:00 daily slot…. Especially the 2nd part of this song as well, made my day!

This lady is unbelievable! I can forget my everything just by listening to her singing such hits as the 2nd half of “Hob eh”!!.. she got me listening to it now again on my PC as I type those letters..
I mean, I did forget my everything mints ago and wished to have it night and day, life long..

Tell you what, remind me always when I am that down to listen to her.. just tell me 2nd part “hob eh”… believe it or not, it works for me like magic!!

الأربعاء، نوفمبر 22، 2006

!!إمسك حرامى

وقد تكون المشكلة في الظاهر شخصية ولكنها ليست كذلك مطلقا، فمعني هذا أن جهد كل المدوينين معرض للسرقة والاقتباس والنقل الحرفي دون ذكر أي مصدر.
ياريت لو تضامن معي كافة المدونين فإنها ليست مسألة أن صحفي قد سرق موضوع بل أكبر من ذلك، بكثييييييييييييييير
وما أريده فعلا هو أن يتكاتف جميع المدوينين لحماية إنتاجهم الشخصي من السرقة والنقل.
حد سامعني؟!

أنتابنى حالة من الفزع وأنا أقرأ هذه السطور من مدونة "حائر فى دنيا الله"!
هى ليست المرة الأولى التى تتعرض فيها مدونة الى الاقتباس دون الرجوع الى المدون الأصلى او باختصار (السرقة).. بل حدث قبل ذلك مع "غادة" ولسبب أجهله لم أتابع مجريات الأمور، بل ربما يحدث ذلك كل يوم ولكننا لم نعرف بعد!

أما تساؤلى الحالى.. بعد الفكرة العبثية لاخضاع المدونات تحت قانون رقابى جديد لحماية الدولة من الشائعات... هل ستتحرك الدولة يوما لحماية المدونات والمدونين؟؟
ولا هو نظام.. لينا بس، وليهم لاء؟!