الخميس، مارس 29، 2007

Why do I do that to the people I love? Is it worth it? to fight with mother and brother and make someone I cherish sad? Does it really worth it?
I feel I’m not balanced lately, and in way I can’t but pretend I am ok. But its all my fault, if I accepted to show a happy face, why should I share others my mood swings?
I will not say I hate those… I am wrong.. I am terribly wrong this time, and its my fault f3lan. Bas what can I do to show them that “I AM NOT OK”! when I already feel even worst each time I say it loud “I AM NOT OK”!.. I hate the pity people draw on their faces. And hate me living the rule of a victim too…

Look.. I’ll go away for sometime. I’ll not blog…. Blogging always gets the worst in me… I will not do it for sometime, and if I can get away from the internet, I will.. thought my studies forces me not to. I’ll try to escape my recent thoughts. Wonder how.. but somehow “I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE”..
Can’t I have a life?

Today's lesson..

The more one dreams...
the more one'll have to wake up..

الأربعاء، مارس 28، 2007

Passing thoughts..

I wrote 2 complete pages of blubbers, then deleted with one click. Can’t make it published, can you guess till how far I am a weak person?!
Today was ACES opening, and at least I was invited by one person (if my memory serves me well). I was wallahi determined to go the previous time, I prepared my dressing (unlike last year), the shoe, the every little thing. I wished to make me feel I am OK, I can fight my ghosts of the past, till the time was postponed. And I took it as a sign!.

How can one love someone who doesn’t really love him/herself? And how can the latter love others too?

Yesterday, I was determined not to go. I know myself. I would have never felt good at all. And most probably would leave the party and fetch the 1st bathroom to start crying (thought its not my usual attitude) However, the only 2 times I did that in my whole life were both connected to ACES.. Now, after those days and nights of trying to live normally, I don’t think I’m ready for a 3rd time. You might think of it as a stupid dream, or not stupid, a little one though.. life is full of other formats of misery. But hell no.. a person like me who doesn’t dream much.. you can guess what does that mean to her living on that for a year may be.. and if it weren’t for B advice yesterday to try changing myself, I wouldn’t have went to ask my brother to accompany me to the party. And tell you the truth, once he said “no I’m busy”, as if “etlakekt”.. or thought of it as a 2nd sign… so said “ok I did my best” and left..

Remember when I said “memories hurt always, no matter good or bad”?

Soo, instead of everything, I returned home deadly exhausted especially after the past sleepless night I had; couldn’t really sleep till 4 or 5 in the morning, something as such, for 2 reasons one of them is the previous, and the other is different a bit. Though at the end both hold the same bottom line “I can’t face my problems easily” problems that encounters passions conflict, between what I want and what I can afford to. What I wish for, and what limits bound me not to. I even discovered another important issue “a big mouth, I am”… a fact, no more..

Tell me how can you free your mind from one thought?

So my sleep wasn’t just being exhausted, but an escape too. As thought, I know if I went I would have felt worst, but now the feeling of regret is no better. Especially that I wanted to share someone something.. but who knows.. one should really learn how to stop regrets and be content with the present no matter how good or bad..
As if I didn’t really notice, the same day I said “no I won’t go”.. God sent me the article published in the magazine that by no means I would have dreamt of before. I know God is much much more merciful than the dull comparison I am conducting now. But look at it this way, and let me ask.. if I had sent that more then 4 months ago..
then why now the very same timing?!

Do you believe in signs like I do?

If you don’t, I'll still do.. in addition to a total different personal thing, that again the timing is a bit of a critical issue to me…
One can never have every thing.. And God never gives more than one can’t handle.. and if feeling content with every thing means I’ll have what I have now forever, GOD so I am content to you forever… for being the person you created me.. Thank you more than my humble words can ever express…

Good night all.. and wish me peace of mind..

The everything turned out dull tonight... with a single news... The air turned heavy and suffocating enough to wish for 100 years of coma...

الثلاثاء، مارس 27، 2007

..إمبارح كان أجمل يوم

أسعد صباح لأحلى كلمتين وأكبر إبتسامة وصلونى من "غادة" و"دعاء" و"محمد"...
والله إنتم أجمل ناس.. وممنونة –قبل أى شئ تانى- لمعرفتكم...

بى إس:
بالإضافة لأسباب أخرى.. هو فعلاً كان أجمل يوم.. وربنا يديمها نعمة..

الاثنين، مارس 26، 2007

A must be paid "Thank YOU"...

God, If I may thank you for all the blessings you granted me in life. And for being the person I am. And for answering my prayers even before I'd ask you to. God You are so merciful and generous.

I can never be more happier...
Thank you ALLAH deeply for everything..

The un-titles..

My tonight's mood for music
Malaguegna -- Jose Feliciano

Why can few words draw the widest smile ever on your face, and others can doom you to hell. While they are only made of letters and no heavenly bless.

الأحد، مارس 25، 2007


Afraid of what to come..
I'm not as daring as I thought..

السبت، مارس 24، 2007

!صورة وعلق إنت

صورتها النهاردة من على أحد حوائط مبنى المحاضرات بالكلية
Will I take the long, dark and scary road alone again as today?
God.. I really really wish not...

Personal dilemma

You think using a wondering wireless connection in the air kind of stealing?
And what if, imagine what if, it’s a huge bandwidth, and probably your usage won’t exceed the 0.5% of it? And what if the guy (if its really a guy) is leaving it 24/7 and he’s not there.. you are totally alone.. and add to your imagination that you’re DSL cable is kind of short, so you’re not having the flexibility of move your notebook should grand?

Would you still call it stealing?!

I am into this dilemma these days. And yes, feel that I’m strongly stealing.. however tell me something.. if you ever got that kind of connection, why won’t you use it? Why would you buy such huge bandwidth and leave it to the open?
Someone told me its like enjoying the cassette playing in the other car sitting beside you in a traffic jam.. or even the high speakers from your neighbors flat.

Tell me, what you think? And take it on the larger scale.. when u say its stealing and when not…

الجمعة، مارس 23، 2007

In the mood for this song..

Omaima Khalil -- Ana Ra7 Sammeek

أنا راح أغنيك لأنه صوتى باقى لى علامة
وأنا راح أسميك لأنه إسمك أحلى من الاسامى
بدى تنادينى.. بإسمى تنادينى
ولو ما تحاكينى.. إسمع صوتك بيضوى أيامى

إتأخرت عليا.. أخدنى طريقى على باب تانى
وظلت عينيا مرصودة خلفى تدلك عنوانى
ولما إتلاقينا.. آه.. وفهموا عينينا
كانت إيدينا ما عادت تتلاقى إلا بالأغانى

أنا راح أغنيك لأنه صوتى باقى لى علامة
أنا راح أسميك لأنه إسمك أحلى من الاسامى
بدى تنادينى.. بإسمى تنادينى
ولو ما تحاكينى.. إسمع صوتك بيضوى أيامى

حبك ببالى لحظة سرية حلية وغريبة
ياحبى الغالى.. وشو مستحيلة قصتنا القريبة
بعتنى دربى.. آه.. على ها الغربة
لكن فى قلبى ما حد حبيبى غيرك يا حبيبى

أنا راح أغنيك لأنه صوتى باقى لى علامة
أنا راح أسميك لأنه إسمك أحلى من الاسامى
بدى تنادينى.. بإسمى تنادينى
ولو ما تحاكينى.. إسمع صوتك بيضوى أيامى

الخميس، مارس 22، 2007

Twitter LoLz!

Are You a Twitter Ninja?
Each day passes, fear captures me even more. And the one thing I become more certain of is that:
Only beauty.. dies fast..
And there you'll learn never to trust happiness, and never to wish upon a star..

الأربعاء، مارس 21، 2007

Between yesterday and today..

so, yesterday was a strange day, I was happy , very happy I was.
1. For a reason I don't know.
2. For a reason I know, but can't tell.
3. For postponing our midterms around 2 weeks.
4. For having my Piko at last (a.k.a my notebook)
5. For the same reason number 2.
6. For the 1st time i felt i am me. the one people know on the virtual world and the one I wish to be. Quite strange it may seem. But hell now! I was funny as ever. I didn't stop myself. I didn't re-think if someone is watching or not. If someone would say how could this girl do blalala.. I did it, lived my life, became whom I wanted to.. and thats it. Quite strange, but not.. thats exactly what happened and don't ask me how or why..

yet today, as I type I don't feel very good. Because, hmm.. tomorrow there should be a meeting and I don't know what to say. Again, not the down phase, not the stupidity feeling, and not even a hidden feeling of not feeling comfortable. Never. But, I don't know. It's like missing something all of a sudden now. Like you suddenly feeling you are lost somewhere and you don't know anything. In fact you don't know anything except except that you don't know. Lasto adri! I quite feel it now more than ever. Lasto adri anything. lasto adri even the thoughts spinning in my head. As if between yesterday and today, I lost hearing myself.

Typing without the same enthusiasm i was going to have yesterday night. I'll just go and try to continue work.
Cheers, bye

الاثنين، مارس 19، 2007


دايما يوقفنى منظر إنسان قاعد ياكل فى مطعم وحده.
وما أعرف ساعتها بيصعب عليا منظره وهو وحده، ولا لما يهيأ لى نفسى مكانه بعد عشرة.. عشرين.. أو حتى تلاتين سنة؟!

الأحد، مارس 18، 2007

I understand..

I used to make fun of Mi when she used to be down and can’t talk to anybody. I remember those days when she used to come around in the morning with “that look”, when you feel as if she’s mocking you the every second of the day. I used to hate it when she used to leave me in the school breaks and go play basketball while I can’t. She knows I can’t play basketball, and she never cared. Days and days I spent my break in the class reading or talking to the teachers or “dadat”.
Or the days she used to leave me and sit beside Maro, that made me feel even worst. I love her. She knows that. And no matter how long we don’t talk, we are still friends.
Even now when she went to a different department than mine, we are the best of friends. She didn’t ask anyone about her fiancé but me, and that may not prove anything to you. However, knowing her, and knowing how hard that is for her to ask anyone about her private matters, may change your thinking.

But there used to be that question in my mind all the time. Why me and her friends this way? We are different. Or that’s how you’ll notice from a one meeting we are there together. I’m not an extrovert, but at least more open than she is. I’m not a very good laugh, but at least more than she is. She’s very beautiful compared to me (msA). Her parents way of thinking is totally different than mine. Even her cloths style is a bit different. She can wear tight cloth, while me never!
And What else?!
May be the people who know both of us and reading would understand what does “difference” between both of us means.
Yet now as I’m writing, I tell you, I didn’t write because of blubbering the whole matter with you. Its not a time waste chitchat, but may be a simple question I’ve been asked today triggered the answer in my head.

We –me and her- are ice creams with different flavors. Didn’t I tell you people are like ice cream flavors before?
You know I now can understand why she used to leave me and play basketball, or why she used to leave my desk and site beside Maro, for I now do it myself, not with her, but with others. I can tell you now I understand why she used to feel shy this way whenever we used to open “the topic”, I do too. :) .
late I am. But I finally understood.

We are the same not different. We are the same when it comes to being close people, un-able to open up even with our selves. I don’t know why I didn’t notice how much we both can’t cry. I don’t know why I didn’t notice how much we both fancy almost the same type of books. Even our favorite drama actor is the same. Our favorite music was played at her engagement while she was cutting her cake, and in my head I was heading her brother to play it for her and found she already did. And when I think of her and find her calling.. isn’t it all strange?
But I can understand, and figure out it all clearing right now as I type. And wonder, why do we understand people sometimes that late? Isn’t it better, at least to understand who we really are?!

Mi, I wish to call, I wish to call you badly tonight, and though I know you don’t read me my friend… thought of noting it for the memory.. I do really miss our talks before.. I miss it now more than you can ever imagine..

السبت، مارس 17، 2007

I rest my case..

BTW: the pictures I drew in my head, soon collapsed. Soon I knew that what I thought of shan’t be my own thoughts. And so I took last night to decide my final say:
“No matter what are the seductions I’m having around.. no matter what are the dreams or high hopes.. its one Big-Fat-NO.. and let me have peace eternally..”

Arabic -live- poem

I know its an english blog, and got nothing to do with that.. however, I LOVE it, and wish to share the laugh with you.
Ali Salama is the best..

الجمعة، مارس 16، 2007


So what?!
What a Question and a reply!
Yeah.. midterms are in less than 2 weeks, and almost I’ve studied zilch (by the word, absolutely nothing. phi, not even zero).. and yup, I gota behave and study. However you know the last term’s ego. Well, not exactly the last term’s ego, but well.. there are few topics going on my mind lately. Kind of topics that keep you waking every night till dawn thinking. Shall I, shall I not.. blahblahblah.. Things if I started opening up here, probably you’d think the blog is hacked or something and its not me talking. Yet, as you can see, its me, with my total free will thinking and trying to take a decision. Wither to close the window as I always do, and got sick of it, or open it abit, and there I might not be ready for such windy winds.
Never mind. Hallucinating or something like it..

So I won’t be talking about it, and frankly speaking because the people related to such topic are most probably reading, and it might confuse the whole lot. Hmm.. or may be the total opposite and none understands s/he meant by the talk, and a much worst consequences happen.

So, it’s not a misery or a tragedy or anything.. its just, believe it or not, I can’t control my head though its mine.
Who said man can control everything?
Tab wareni shtartak.. Invent a buzzer and let us stop the irritating spinning thing above!

So.. I re-opened my blog “3alraf”. But this time, alone.. hmm.. there was Sheryos and Hobba joining me before, now no body. I want it dark, alone, isolated... The darker shade of blue. You can say that..
I don’t have a clear reason, and love it this way.. something popped up.. then I do it.. un-aware of why, when, how, or where.
Strange that such attitude –almost- can’t be done except on the virtual world where I belong..

Today’s song (again): Wind mills of your mind.. Jose feliciano..

Reminding myself

3ala fkra enti tl3ti ensana ay kalam. Bo2 3al fady. W mn awel 7aga w23ti :S w23ti w 3ayza to2a3i w ka2enk malkesh ay karar wala theka fl nafs. Aywa.. enti ay kalam.. w 7a2 ay 7ad y2ol 3aleki ay 7aga howa 3ayzha…
men t3rafeh kan da3eef awi keda :S da 7ata Mi elli konti btetarya2i 3aleha mesh keda.. wala 7ata Nado. Wala ay 7ad tani…
Howa m3aki en el forsa 7elwa.. bas enti tl3ti 3ayla w btfakari l b3eed awi.. ah 3ayla w seteen 3ayla… btfra7 bl 7aga el 7elwa w heya basa ta7t rgleha bas..
Bo2 kebeeeeeer enti! Bo2 kebeeer w dema3’ el fasolya..
W 3ayza darb el ******* 3ashan tfo2i w tsa7sa7i lel loon keda….. el wo2o3 dah mesh leli zayk.. leli y2dar ysta7mel eno ya5od fo2 dema3’o w y3eesh.. enti mn awl mara la2eti 7aga odamek enkasrt a3adti t3ayati 3 ayam… mabalek el mara deh law la2eteha mesh heya elli enkasaret.. la2.. enti elli enkasarti mn gowa.. w meet 7eta w 7eta w 7eta…
Fo2i ya eman abl mal donia tdalm odamk.. w t2oli ya ret elli gara ma kan.. la enti 7eml kol dah.. wala 3ayza 7ad tani ytgar fl reglen 3ashan 7abt ahwa2 sha5sya….
El wo2o3 mesh leli zayk.. leli ysta7ml ya shtra…
Ommi saly.. ommi ro7i etwadi w Sali w kamli sho3’l mamtek w ensi.. ensi kol 7aga mahman kant odamek kol youm w kol la7za…
Aw2at keteeer bnseb aktar 7aga bn7baha w nfsna feha 3ashan asbab hayfa…. Hayfa.. bas mohema.. w maynfa3sh n3aned w n2ool la2..

الخميس، مارس 15، 2007

A songie..

This song was suggested today by B.. And since I loved it, so here it goes..
"Slipped away" – "Avril Lavigne"

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same

Na na na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back

The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you

الأربعاء، مارس 14، 2007

مش برضو كدة؟

تنزل فى المحطة، وقبل ما رجلك تلمس الأرض تقول له من غير ما تلتفت وراك : "متشكر.. سلامو عليكم".. ولجل حظك يطلع سواق ابن حلال ويرد عليك السلام.. ترتب اوراقك وشنطتك اللى فى ايديك، وتبدأ مشى.
فى ايام كدة تلاقى الشارع اللى هو الشارع بتاعك طول فجأة، وكانه مش بتاعك اللى متعود عليه من ايام ما كنت "مقزعر" قد كدة. الا لو كان بختك زى بختى، وكان الشارع اللى عشت فيه وانت "مقزعر"، مش هو نفس الشارع اللى انت عايش فيه دلوقتى. وبدل ما تحس فى ايام ان الشارع طول فجأة، ح تحس الشارع كل يوم لسا مش بتاعك ، حتى انك ح تصحى فى يوم الصبح وتبقى مش مستغرب اى حاجة جديدة تحصل على الشارع.. وتستغرب ليه وانت مستغربه اصلا!

الشمس تبقى قربت "تنعس" وانت لسا ماشى.. صوت ترماى جاى من بعيد، على ميكروباص "رمسيس رمسيس رمسيس".. كلاكسات عربيات واوتوبيسات.. عيال من المعاهد المجاورة بيلعبوا صلح فى الجنينة العامة... شباب مش لاقى حاجة يعملها غير اكل الفول على العربيات.. بنات ماشية تتمخطر بلبس ع الموضة محزق وملزق.. وعساكر متنحة!.. يمين شمال.. شمال ويمين.. ناس رايحة وناس جاية.. وناس واقفة وناس نايمة.. يووه.. عالم ماله أول عن آخر..
وحتى انت نفسك لو شفت نفسك من منظار طائر، ح تلاقيك بالعين المجردة، مجرد واحد ماشى.. واحد بس ماشى وسط باقى العالم اللى ماله اول عن آخر..
مش معلومة جديدة ولا حاجة..

فى طريق الشارع اللى هو الشارع بتاعك اللى طول فجأة.. مش ح تلاحظ ان الربيع بدأ يدخل، والازهار بدئت تنور الا لما تتكعبل فى الشجر المقصقص فى كل مكان. وحتى دى.. ممكن معلوماتك الزراعية ماتسعدكش انك تفهم بنفسك "يعنى ايه حد يقصقص الزرع ع قرب الربيع".. بس "قشطة".. ح تفضل ماشى.. لحد مايلوح لك شكل العمارة من بعيد... وتلاقى احساس شديد يغرى بالملل انقض عليك!
أصلك لسا قدامك كام خطوة لحد هناك.. وقد تسلم ع البواب، وقد تقرر انك ماتدلوش وش.. ولسا.. ح تطلع السلم.. وتدور على المفتاح اللى مش فاكر هو فى جيب الجاكتة ولا فى الشنطة.. وتلاقى شوشو دخل يوسوس لك "هب يا بوب! نسيت المفتاح فى الشقة!"... ترن الجرس.. وترن تانى... المدام فى المطبخ مش فاضية و العيال لسا ما رجعوش م المدرسة.. او.. لا لا لا.. خلينا نقول حدوتة الطف من كدة.. بابا وماما لسا ما رجعوش من الشغل.. لاء برضو.. همم.. النور كان قاطع ومحدش سمع جرس الباب... او.. ممكن اخوك كان نايم نوم أهل الكهف، او بيغلس ومش معبرك.. او حتى ماتظلموش ممكن يطلع فى الحمام.. او تطلع انت ناسى انك اساسا مالكش اخوات!..

عدى الشوت..

ربنا كرمك ودخلت م الباب.. اول شئ ح تفكر فيه يا تلاجة، يا السرير.. والأغلب لو انت رجل فعلا يبقى ح تفكر فى السرير.. تدخل أوضتك، وعقبال ما تغير هدومك تكون نسيت النوم.. فتروح تشوف "ام بى سى أكشن".. ولو ماعندكش دش، ح تدخل على الانترنت... يا ماتلاقيش حاجة تعملها وتفكر تنام!

تصحى م النوم وتبقى عايز تنزل الشارع اللى هو الشارع بتاعك اللى طول فجأة النهاردة عشان صاحبك مستنيك تروحوا الدرس سوا.. لاء.. مش درس.. امم.. تروحوا السينما... بس لاء.. مافيش افلام حلوة اليومين دول وفلوسك ماتكفيش تذكرة مسرح.. والاوبرا مالكش فيها.. والنادى زهقت منه.. وابوك مش موافق على حفلة SOS الجديدة.. و...
لاء.. ستوب.. نرجع حبة ورا كدة..
انت اصلا قررت ما تنزلش لصاحبك.. بعت له SMS.. وقلت "نأسف.. فقد ألم بى وعكة صحية مفجعة".. خمس دقائق كدة.. وتلاقى نفسك مع نفسك بتلبس... أممم.. نازل تتمشى وتشم هوا..
ومع اننا اتفقنا ان معندكش اخوات.. بس أختك ح تطلب منك تجيب لها حاجة وانت جاى.. فتتنرفز وتنزل ترزع الباب وراك "كل يوم هات حاجة معاك.. كل يوم بطاطس بطاطس!".. ولا لاء برضو.. خلينا نقول انك طيب وح توافق لأنه "مجبرٌ أخاك لا بطل"...

تنزل تتمشى.. وتتمشى... تعدى محلات وبيوت وأكشاك.. وشجر مقصوص و فتارين قصص.. وشوارع حكايات.. وحكايات على الشبابيك.. حكاية بتبدأ وتانية بتنتهى.. حكاية بتحكيها.. وحكاية بتتحكى لك.. حكاية بتكتبها.. وحكاية بتتكتب لك..
وتمسك نفسك بتسال نفسك.."وانت فين من الحكايات دى كلها..؟"
ترجع لمنظار الطائر بفلاش باك على زووم سريع من بعيد عليك.. تلاقى انك انت نفسك اللى كنت ماشى وقت ما الشمس كانت قربت "تنعس".. فى نفس الشارع اللى من حبة طول فجأة.. وانت نفسك اللى شوية ورايح تجيب حاجة لاختك مع اننا قلنا ان مالكش اخوات.. وانت اللى راح تصحى بكرة عشان المحاضرة.. ولاء لاء.. انت اللى ح تروح توصل الاولاد المدرسة.. والمدام عند ماما فى حالة ما ان حماتك لسا عايشة.. بس ازاى وانت ماعندكش عربية؟.. طب آخد رأيك.. أعيد الحدوتة تانى وانت بعربية؟ ولا أخليك سارح فى براح الدنيا على اتوبيس من غير عربية؟؟ تحب تبقى زى افلام زمان لابس نضارة قعر كباية وماسك فى ايدك بطيخة؟ ولا تبقى شاب مروش لابس جزمة Active وفى ايده سماعة موبيل؟ ولا استنى.. بلاش دى او دى.. انا ممكن احكى الحدوتة تانى مش عليك.. المرة دى عليا.. اقول لك انا اللى نزلت فى المحطة.. وانا اللى سلمت على السواق اللى طلع ابن حلال ورد عليا.. وانا اللى كنت ماشية فى الشارع بتاعى اللى هو مش بتاعى من ايام ما كنت "مقزعرة"، والنهاردة طول فجأة..

بس الحدوتة كدة لا ح تبقى حلوة ولا ملتوتة.. ح تفضل بس حدوتة.. بتتشايف وتتعاش وتتحس.. ولا هى مش برضو كدة؟

الثلاثاء، مارس 13، 2007

Ctrl+Z :: Zah2ana..

I feel terribly bored. Totally bored. Utterly bored. I was sleeping all day for the sake of doing nothing, that’s it. Escaping. Yes true. Yes damn right.
Yesterday, and along 2 other days ago, I was working on the T-shirt design for the "Fun day".. aka. A festival held in college before the official graduation. And in some way or another I have doubts that this day won't be here. I mean, the calibrations and everything will be held, but the T-shirt would not exist. The dof3a is lazy. My team mates in the project as lazy too. I am lazy. We are as a nation, a lazy one…
Someone told me, it’s the last term's ego. Though I've been feeling this way for quite sometime not just this term.

My mother bought chocolate which is very sweet. And there I knew I love it dark. As "raw" as anything. No milk, no sugar.. nothing.. feel the bitterness on your tongue.
Someone else told me something long time ago "chocolate taste reflects our own selves." And when he asked how I like it, I said dark with fruits, or white with almonds. And when I asked, in return, what does that tell about me, he said "you are a special and unique person". Now I think, loving "dark chocolate" would mean a gloomy person. I don't know why.. bas heya gat ma3aya keda today.

So lets make it a tag.. Bosso.. ana zah2ana.. and thinking of something nice… A tag.. ALL my friends are entitled to MUST reply… either in a post or a comment.. suit your suit..

Tell me, how you like you chocolate… solid or "say7a".. dark or with milk.. fruits, nuts.. snikers or M&M… 3esho in the chocolate world for a second, and don't forget to tell what you think that would mean, according to you…
Yalla.. waiting..

الاثنين، مارس 12، 2007

وياترى.. دى أى سنة؟

Candles and reflections, originally uploaded by stchuck.

بقى بدل السنة.. سنتين
وبدل الشمعة.. اتنين
وانا "لستُ أدرى" زى ما أنا..
معرفش الاقيها منين ولا منين؟

الأحد، مارس 11، 2007

Chill out..

I don’t know what to say, But seems my brother’s taste is excelling way too far!
After Eftakasat's blast, he told me about a new band called “The REG project”. A Lebanese group, that’s playing Arabic and western mix, quite like Buddha Bar’s, and Claude Challe style keda.
And tell you a secret! I’m falling in love with their music already.. manfique (whatever the spelling :P)..
Here is an example piece called “Istanbul” from their Project III and the rest is yet to come once my connection turns stable isA.

W please ba2a “Elli wara yb3at” any thing you can have for them online, since its –really- very rare!

OK, updates: other tracks..

PS: this post is originally my recent contribution on pianolla. however I liked to share it here as well, since I love these pieces..

Be-lated tag..

Answering Nesrine's, Engy's, Hechkok and Nermeena's tag.. Sorry guys.. I was out of connection.. and sorry again if my answers seemed shocking.. I'm seriously out of mood tonight..
And by the way, I'm tagging who ever wants to..

SECTION 1 - Last 1s?
  1. Last beverage? tea
  2. Last phone call? Days ago and don’t remember whom..
  3. Last instant message? B. my friend :)
  4. Last time you cried? Last June
  5. Last text message? Google calender
Section 2 - Have You Evers:
  1. Dated someone twice? Not even once..
  2. Been cheated on? Yes
  3. Kissed someone & regretted it? Never..
  4. Lost someone special? Alot
  5. Been depressed? More than alot.. now is one
  6. Been drunk and threw up? Not in my dreams
Section 3 - List 3 Favorite Colors
  1. Jeans Blue
  2. Sea blue
  3. Violet
Section 4 - This month have you
  1. Made a new friend? Taking my 1st steps to...
  2. Fallen out of love? May be a crush.. but not.. not even anything :S I’m turning shy.. that’s it..
  3. Laughed until you cried? Nop..
  4. Met someone who changed your life? Does that somebody exist?
  5. Found out who your true friends were? How to know?
  6. Is there something you want to tell someone? Yeah.. the P’s post.. badly
  7. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends? :S I’m not into such way of life
  8. How many people on your top friends do you know in real life? Hmm.. I like to preserve people in their positions better
  9. How many kids do you want to have? None
  10. Do you have any pets? Hate animals
  11. Do you wanna change your name? I love it
  12. What did you do for your last birthday? Zafa on twitter..
  13. What time did you wake up today? 10:00..
  14. What were you doing at midnight last night? Btnatat online..
  15. Name something you CANNOT wait for? Working then traveling around the world..
  16. Last time you saw your father? 3 hours ago..
  17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? Being a shy person.. I want to open up even more, and became more of a girl..
  18. What are you listening to right now? A gritos de esperanza
  19. Have you ever talked to Tom? Who’s him :S
  20. Have you ever talked about someone behind their back? I won’t be a female if not :S
  21. What’s the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone? I don’t borrow but books..
  22. Who’s getting on your nerves right now? My dof3a…
  23. Most visited webpage? Should I say? Prefer not..
  24. Coke or Pepsi? 7-up
  25. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week? Whats wrong with kisses? OK.. a confession.. I don’t normally kiss people.. :S or even hug!
  26. Mac or PC? Haven’t tried Mac.. so Za3fareno will do..

On rage

Terribly hate any male who give himself a damn higher right above any female because he believes he’s a higher creature sent by God to earth! While the truth is (in most cases), if you fetched down deep, those are even more childish than any normal female. They are even childish to a level kids will be embarrassed to think of!

Truly hate them. And if its not for me trying to behave, I would have .. well… burst may be.. Insulted most probably…… m3rafsh… bas all of those should be sentenced to else where… especially ba2a.. ah ba2a those who claim they are talking by religion and say this is 7aram and that is halal m3 nafsohom. And even eeeh! They don’t advise you, but more or less order you.
I bet now (in my case at least) ok.. I’m stubborn and hard headed… and I do “a3nd” and NEVER ever bend or surrender, no matter what I am to lose..

Let me give you an example…. We got a fun day, where each “dof3a” wears a certain t-shirt, representing its college memories. Believe it or not, some of the guys there are actually calling for a “5emar” for girls, and t-shirt for boys! MAN! I don’t wear a 5emar, and will never do. Why would I if I’m convinced with my clothes and even asked about it too?. I like me as who I am. My clothes represent me fully this way.
Let alone what I heard while I was talking to one of my Christian college friends, and her reply was “e7na nt7r2 ba2a!”…. :S
And she got a double point!

I don’t understand. I really don’t understand. I seriously don’t understand why females are making this “kolke3a” in such males’ heads!
I remember the same dof3a when a Lecturer –ALLAH ymaseh bl 5eer- said females must be better treated in our community; they even should get more rights than this. They should learn more than males. They should be higher regarded, higher respected.. And YOU (addressing the dof3a) should –at least- allow them to sit in the 1st rows.. YALHWI! There were demos after trying to take our places! Shof el zo2……

Memo told me to reply harsh on their posts on the forum and make my voice heard enough. Since females should never be afraid, plus such “heads” should always find who “ysokohom”. I’m just acting as how my father told me whenever I’d be in such situation I’d wait till someone answers. If not, I’ll do, provided I quitted being on rage..

And that’s but a sample for the outer society.
OK, thanks guys.. you got me hating it already

PS: Be ware, I’m not 3a2l el fasolya!

السبت، مارس 10، 2007

Today's lesson

How critically bitterly funny that is to find somebody wipe part of your memory, tailoring it to yet another of his own!
-- Thus I said..

Learn Never to trust a person who shows a black heart at the 1st block..

الخميس، مارس 08، 2007

News break

Today was one of the strangest. Look, at the morning there was a simple interview in our IC lab for the digital project. (w ml a5r, kont mestabya3a). I didn’t care for anything. As if ba2a, that’s enough with the project, one more question is simple like trying to bring life to a dead body. Soo, the strange talk that happened didn’t really affect me, though the rest of the team went out of the lab with a “miserable sad” look on their faces. Guys! Answer me.. Since when we ever had such kind of oral conversations and we finished victorious!!!

After that, there was a sub meeting for the graduation project for the TinyOS team. I went too, you know, a3’atet shewaya :P.. and there for a second I had a strong feeling that I’m loved by ALLAH. I mean.. well.. the spirit itself I was looking for, and caused me my only 2 break downs I had in life entirely, as if its coming true now. I may be right or wrong, I don’t know. But seriously I LOVE my project team mates, all of them.

In the middle of our talk today, there I had to make a final decision for the optional subject I’m to take. Sadly, I had to choose a subject Bava is not going to have with me. Its like the 1st something we’d split into ever since we’ve known each other. But I couldn’t help it. I can’t study electronics. Not again. I hate it.

As I left them and about to take a bus back home, I met the TA who was with us in the Luxor and Aswan trip. Was really glad to see him. Soo, waved and cheered “aay, how are you.. etc”.. exchanged a little convo keda then every one went on his/her own way. Till I found a bus coming so I stopped it. Believe it or not, he took it with me too. That was fine so far till he actually paid the ticket. I was really searching for a crack in the bus floor to hide. Lol, that was a gentle act! Even though I don’t really like such thing…. You know.. that weird philosophy I have.. blalala… whatever.. I’m back home .. and no need to feel that embarrassed.. not anymore..

When I returned home, believe it or not I found the DSL is baaack! Hurray… so now I’m checking what’s missed in more than 3 weeks back. Phew! That’s a lot! People blubbered A LOT during my virtual absence.. I even got more to blubber myself.. yet as always for the coming couple of months or so, isA.. “No time”..

That was a quick re-cap for today’s memories, more of the same tomorrow morning :P at 9 o hundrerd hours.. make sure to tune in

TADA,, off I sign for PHP & MySQL..

الاثنين، مارس 05، 2007

Ezan.. Enaha el 7arb!

Ah! “Ya 7aloli ya 7aloli.. w da eh da elli by7sali..” quoting Dananeer..

Tb eh.. eh da ba2a.. eda ba2a da ba2a da..
w heeeh heeeh tadbesa..

Ya abna2 nafs el mashroo3… enaho.. enaho.. enaho m3rafsh eh.. bas OK.. 7a lead tomorrow’s meeting.. w 2a2lebha dandara isA.. w elli 3ayz y2ol 7aga y2olha.. ana ma ba5afsh mn 7ad :P

Beeb beeb.. BLUE.. w Kaman beeb beeb BLUE..
W hoba eh, howa ah.. isA 7anksab…

:S tab 7abt tashge3 tani ba2a…. kol elli fi nefso 7aga y2olha to fill me with a push keda.. :S el inner esteem approaching zero level aaaaand steadily kaman…

Rabna ystor..

PS: Go Blue go.. teralamlam..

بصراحة يعنى..

وبعد كل مناقشة اشوفها له او مقالة أقرأها عنه، يظل مصطفى بكرى واحد من أكتر الشخصيات المثيرة للحيرة بالنسبة لى. فأوقات أحسده على حسه المصرى المتغلغل فى عروقه بغيرته الصيعيدية الاصيلة على بلاده، فاطمئن ان الدنيا لسا بخير طول ما فى ناس وطنيين مثله.. وأوقات أخرى، يأتينى شعور خفى يدفعنى الى الاقتناع ببراعته التمثيلية المفتعلة (وانه ناقصه بس حد يكتشفه).. وبين هذا وذاك.. لا أقدر على منع نفسى من مقارنته –فى مرات عدة- بدور "المعددة" فى الريف المصرى القديم (مع الاعتذار).. بس يكفينى طلبات احاطته الغير مبررة والمللة فى تكرارها على كل صغيرة وكبيرة و تقمصه دور الوطنى الوحيد فى المنطقة..
لاء والأدهى من ذلك الحوار المنقضى منذ دقائق على قناة المحور فى برنامج "90 دقيقة" بخصوص فيلم اذيع على قناة اسرائيلية عن الأسرى المصريين.
فى الأول شدنى طريقة حواره، وانفعالاته، وشدة تأثره.. بل وتكراره المطالبة باقالة الحكومة لمواقفها السلبية، ورخص الدم المصرى.. الى آخره من عبارات رنانة فى هلهلتها (أصله ماجبش حاجة جديدة.. ما انقطع نفس القنوات و الصحف مهاتية بنفس المبدأ).. ولكن ربما هذه المرة مصطفى بكرى (وربما غيره ايضا، لكنى أخصه الآن بالذكر) يلعب على وتر شديد الحساسية للمصريين. لانه تقريبا مافى بيت مصرى لم يذق الأمرين من الحرب الأخيرة مع أسرائيل.. الا انه سؤالى الموجه له.. أين كان الأخ الفاضل قبل الاذاعة حتى يعلى من طلباته ويعمل على تصعيد القضية الآن.. (لاء وايه... وهو لسا ماشفش الفيلم!!)

كل اللى أقدر اقوله حاليا جملة واحدة.. "كفاية بقى جنازات نشبع فيها لطم!!"


بى اس: قبل عنوان "بصراحة يعنى.." كان فى نفسى كام عنوان كدة عجب.. بس رجعت وقلت يلا... الطيب أحسن..

السبت، مارس 03، 2007

3adi ba2a

Do not feel too proud of myself.
Do not feel shy either.
Its normal. Its ok..
Its going as it was and as it will.
But the best of all.. I’m not an idol anymore..
If I was ever thought as one
w 3adi ba2a