الأربعاء، مايو 30، 2007

Movie(s) night..

Who’d believe I’ve finished 3 exams out of 6 just yesterday?! Now I am only half the way to go. Yet feeling amazingly bored to the extend that I’m having the next ALLAH’s ,most annoying subject “Networks”, and I am wasting my time watching movies, eating, sleeping.. or even gazing at the wall.
Grrrr…. Let me not start that talk…

You know I’ve watched 3 movies in the last 3 days! Something that I haven’t done in a long time I think. Am I that addicted to films? Guess yea.. guess I am.. especially that my recent wish is to have a much faster broadband to download a film daily.. hehe.. I just discovered few important titles that’s a must watch by anyone, and yet I haven’t tried!
Sooo.. guess now I am trying to compensate my lose with the little few ones I have..

So let me go in order..
1st one was “Pirates of the Caribbean: Part 1”.. Yes,, I am that old! .. look.. it’s a problem.. I know.. I hate things even without trying.. and I’ve been resisting watching that particular one for so long, till few friends were actually mocking me, as they were going to part 3 in theater.. soooo,,, the little fighter inside me showed up more courage to watch part 1, at least to know whats the whole fuzz about! And guess what :S it was a hit.. “Pirates of the Caribbean” is a one hit :D .. however to tell you the truth.. its not that type of a must-watch-again movies.. mmm… I wasn’t enchanted by the music (at all).. even the dialuge wasn’t very great y3ni.. bas the story is catchy keda.. adventurous .. lol.. good enough if you wish to watch something and not fall asleep..
Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.

For a note y3ni.. before that, I was about to watch "Hoodwinked".. but I was saved after the 1st 30 minitues or so.. it’s a total boring one.. NEVER go to it if you are animated film’s fan like me. Just get away from it..

Ok ok..
The 2nd was “The holiday”.. a typical American story. Destiny, fate, coincidences, true love stories.. blalala… the music is not excellent. Dialog is not that perfect.. story is repeated in a way.. yet something about it makes it worth watching..
As a 2nd thought, I felt like, may be showing 2 lives in parallel makes it unique in a way? I don’t know.. it always bugs me.. not bugs me.. makes me wonder.. how can God manage to run all these lives all together at the very same time. So watching them in a movie brought but the question again to my mind.. what are you doing now.. no matter who are you.. I don’t care as long as you are living away from my house!
And ah, for the memory.. the scene I couldn’t help the emotional flow in, was when Arther was to enter the big hall and find those hundreds of people saluting him. Was like me imaging myself in his situation. Almost a forgotten 80 year old lady, who used to be famous and now I’m asked for an interview as such with my expectations to be as small as possible. Then as a surprise.. noo… people still remembers me! God! That would make me feel extraordinary..
I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

3rd and last one for today, an old one somehow, but of all times best movies, I reckon, or it better be! “enemy at the gates”!
Grrrr… that one was fabulous… yup f.a.b.u.l.o.u.s.. look… to agree up that.. the dialog wasn’t good at all.. not to the level of the film.. however, sound effects and the background music were out of this world! Wonder why it was reminding me with "Schindler’s list" all through the film!.. yet.. grrr…. Loved it.. the story is very interesting to me.
By the way, its not my 1st time watch. I saw parts from it on TV before, but never concentrated as today. Was like, me Vs. it.. who’ll win.. and believe now.. that one! A must-be-watched-again-and-again..
And! I didn't find the quotation I liked on imdb.com .. so probably later I'd try to write it down.. Now I got no mind for that...

Ah.. what makes me wonder by the way, the coincidence of watching 2 movies at random for the same actor "Jude Law". Yup, no doubt now he turned to be one of my best ;) .. loved his calm and confident way of acting.. yup.. way to go Jude.. I’ll be watching your coming work isA..

People, no escape.. I SHOULD go back to network (as if I started aslan)..
Wish me luck, I hardly need it..

الاثنين، مايو 28، 2007

المصرى اليوم.. كوسة

بدون مقدمات روتينية من نوع "طالعتنا الصحيفة أمس..".. ح دخل فى تفاصيل خبر مشوه ومستفز –بعتتهولى "أرابيسك" امبارح- اتنشر فى "المصرى اليوم" تحت اسم " ثورة ليلي وأخواتها علي الإنترنت"..
وللعلم.. فهى مش أول سابقة للمصرى اليوم مع المدونين.. قبل كدة كان فيه مقال مفبرك آخر " مدونو الجيل الثالث يتحدون الاعتقالات بالأساطير الإغريقية" عن "القهوة العالية" و "إخناتون" .. وما خفى كان اعظم!

بس عارفين.. حقيقى كل ما افكر.. القينى شيفاها على النطاق الاوسع دائرة مفرغة من الاحباطات والقهر اليومى.. كل واحد –للاسف- مش لاقى نفسه فى شئ.. فتلاقيه يا بيفرغ شحنة الكبت فى اللى يقدر عليه... يا تلاقيه بيشوه كل شئ جميل قدامه..
يعنى لو كان أستاذ مهدى كلف خاطره دقيقتين وزار بلوج ليلى.. كان أقلها سأل نفسه.. ازاى كان "يوم ليلى" كدة؟ ازاى خمس بنات قدروا يجمعوا اكتر من 70 حد على مدار 3 ايام (على الاقل) يناموا ويصحوا بيتكلموا فى نفس الموضوع، سواء مع او ضد... دا غير ردود افعال الاعلام.. فى حين ما ان غيره فشل فشل ذريع فى اشياء ابسط منها.... لاء.. ركن كل دا على جانب وجاى يتكلم عن جهل واضح و آسفة يعنى.. بس "غباء" صحفى متعمد...

وبصراحة مش ناوية أسلك طريق أكثر "غباء" وأحاول الدفاع عن "يوم ليلى".... لانه –فى ظنى- اقوى من ان اى حد فينا يرد على الكلمتين الخايبين اللى اتكتبوا فى زقاق الجرنال... انما بس احب الفت نظر كل الصحفيين من نوع "أسامة مهدى" وأخواته... الى انه مش عشان احترام شرف مهنة الصحفى.. ولا عشان خاطر امنا مصر والكلام المرصوص دا... انما راعى ربنا فى أولادك وأهلك يا اخى بالكام قرش اللى بتقبضه آخر الشهر... انت فاكر انها بتعدى كدة لما ترزع فى مخاليق ربنا عن جهل وبدون وجه حق ولا حتى تحقق من كلامك؟؟ ..

طلبى الأخير من المصرى اليوم بنشر تصحيح للمعلومات المغلوطة.. دا غير نشر الانتقادات علانية على صفحات الجريدة.. والرد عن سؤالى "فين الضمير فى الأداء المهنى عندكم؟!"
ومن فضلكم.. سيبوا المدونين فى حالهم بقى..

بى اس: مش طلباها شهرة يا أستاذ اسامة.. بس لو بعد الكلمتين دول قررت تمسكنى فى بوست تبستف بيا الارض.. ورغم انى مش فاضية.. بس وماله.. خير وبركة... هات ما عندك... اظنها مش ح تفرق كتير..

بى اس 2: اضغط على الصورة للتكبير وقراءة المقال

بى اس 3: اللى يعدى من هنا ويحس انه معترض هو الآخر.. اقله ابعت ايميل احتجاج على الأخطاء المهنية وفبركة المواضيع


الأحد، مايو 27، 2007

The Strength of a Man

The strength of a man isn’t seen in the width of his shoulders.
Its seen in the width of his arms that circle you.

The strength of a man isn’t in the deep tone of his voice.
It is in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn’t how many buddies he has.
Its how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man isn’t in how respected he is at work.
Its in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn’t in how hard he Hits.
Its in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn’t in the hair on his chest.
Its in his Heart…that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn’t in the weight he can lift.
It is in the burdens he can carry.

The strength of a man isn’t how many women he’s Loved.
Its in can he be true to one woman.

© July 15, 1999
Jacqueline Marie Griffiths
(written for Hunt D. Rochon)

extracted from:

الأربعاء، مايو 23، 2007

Listen and enjoy..

I simply fell in love with Yasmin Levy's song.....!

Just made my yesterday.

مركب ورق فى البحر.. والبحر قلبه كبير

النهارة مش مصدقة نفسى... إتفرجت على أول فيلم عربى يبقى نفسى أعرف نهايته... "انت عمرى". صحيح كان اداء "هانى سلامة" بتناحته المهودة، و "نيللى كريم" بتسبيلتها المعهودة برضو، و "منة سلبى" بسهوكتها المعهودة أيضا، كان كفيل انى اكره التليفزيون المصرى على السينما بقى على... الى أبد الآبدين بدون أى رجعة.. الا تلات حاجات خلتنى اكمل فرجة:
1. هشام سليم.. 2. عبد الرحمن أبو زهرة.. و 3. القصة ! .. لاء أظن فيه حاجة رابعة.. الأغنتين المصاحبين للخلفية..

تبدأ القصة (من ساعة ما بدأت اتفرج أكيد) بواحد "يوسف" مسافر، وفجأة قرر مايسافرش ويكمل حياته فى المنيل. ونكتشف انه اساسا مالوش حياة عشان هو مريض ومش عايز يتعالج. ثم تظهر فى حياته "شمس" على ايد دكتور "هشام" اللى هو هشام كان بيحبها اصلا، بس لما لقى انها بتتحسن مع "يوسف" قرر يسيبهم يكملوا الحياة مع بعض فى سعادة وهناء. حتى يتم العلاج، وترجع "هند" زوجة "يوسف" مع ابنه "رامى"، وتلاقى حوارات من نوع "انا ظلمتك قوى يا هند".. على "مش قادر اظلمك تانى يا هند".. "يوسف، مقدرش اهدم سعادتك انت وشمس، لازم تكملوا مع بعض".. "يوسف، مقدرش آخدك من مراتك".. الخ الخ... ويموت "يوسف".. وبقدرة قادر "شمس" و "هند" –أعداء الأمس- يصبحوا اصدقاء الغد لمستقبل أكثر بهجة لرامى الصغير...

أوقات كتير بستعجب على انه فيلم، يعنى قصة كدة وكدة، بس معرفش ليه ابقى ح أتجنن وأعرف النهاية.. طب ما انا ممكن اخترع نهاية مع نفسى واصدق نفسى بنفسى.. بس برضو مش زى ما اكمل فيلم!.. والمرة دى يعنى ماعجبتنيش النهاية قوى قوى.. بس ع الاقل يعنى حققت شئ فى نفسى.. كان نفسى حد من "شمس" او "يوسف" يموت.. واهوه "يوسف" مات، عشان لو كانت "شمس"، اظن الفيلم كان ح يبقى آلش قوى..
بس برضو... ماعجبتنيش النهاية! او عجبتنى بس مش فهماها.. مش عارفة.. بس ماتعاطفتش معاها.. ولا تعاطفت مع كمية الدموع المنهمرة من عيون الأبطال التلاتة.. ولا حركتنى قصة الحب القوية بين "شمس" و "يوسف".. ويمكن كرهتهم التلاتة اصلا..
انما الشئ اللى حركنى وبقوة.. وقت ما "شمس" و"يوسف" كانوا بيتعلجوا بالكيماوى مع بعض.. شئ مؤلم انك تشوف عذاب الناس بالشكل دا.. بس عجبنى معنى المشاركة اللى تخلق طاقة فى الانسان اكبر مننا.. عجبنى لمسة الانسانية جوا كل واحد فينا.. يعنى ايه انسان يحس بانسان تانى فى الألم... يااااه على كدة... مش ح نكر ان الفيلم خلانى عايزة اعمل اى حاجة زى لمثلا مستشفى 57357

بس خلص الفيلم، زى ماخلصت باقى الأفلام اللى قبله واللى بعده... ويفضل الاحساس فقط.. والامل ان باقى الأفلام (من غير هانى سلامة والشلة دى ونبى) تمس مواضيع انسانية بسيطة فى حياتنا..

بى اس: العنوان من أحد أغانى الفيلم اللى لا أعرف اساميهم ولا مين بيغنى.. أعتذر للجهل.. وضيق الوقت للبحث..


الاثنين، مايو 21، 2007

Antenna effect.. hallo ballo

عفواً.. لقد نفذت كل الأماكن المتاحة للحفظ فى دماغ سيادتكم
برجاء المحاولة فى وقت آخر

بى اس: الهى وانت جاهى... تكرم العابدة لك... وتهدى اللى فى بالى من أجل الأجيال القادمة

Passing by thoughts..

Tomorrow would be my 1st exam isA in the last time exams life long “yaaaa Rab”.. I know, I might be over stressed, reacting horribly to dear people, and even to myself sometimes. Yet you think that’s an excuse for me to have such nightmares?
Basically speaking, I’m a one person who doesn’t dream at all, and even if it happened once upon a time, then make sure I’ll never remember.. that’s true wallahi… except these days.. I am having nightmares either at night or day light, and the fact that each time I wake up as if the dream just happened for real.. remembers the feeling, the incidents, the fine details, plus having a horrible headache. Mm.. what you think?
Its all concerning 2 main issues in my life these days by the way. And I just wish to live in peace now adays. I’m having much urgent things to worry about! .. grr… I hate dreaming in all sorts.. the good and bad..

Enough with wasting my time.. back to studying.. bye

الأحد، مايو 20، 2007

مناشدة قلبية بائسة

الى سكان الطابق الثالث.......
ارحموا من فى التانى.. يرحمكم من فى الرابع
كفاية تكييف بقى

الأربعاء، مايو 16، 2007

لأنى كرهت بكائى.. أغنى

لأنك لحن غنائى.. أغنى

لأنى اراقص طيفك حين أغنى
وأسمع همس عبيرك حين أغنى
لأنك منى تخالط ظنى
وتدفع عنى جنون التمنى
لانك تطوى عذاب المسافة.. حين أغنى

لأنى كرهت بكائى.. أغنى

"حين أغنى".. ريما خشيش.. وشربيل روحانا

الثلاثاء، مايو 15، 2007

Nostalgic on a verge of a road..

Just woke up from a long nap. I sleep a lot these days and always feel tired. Yet after all, allow me to say the 2 words I have in mind then ok, as promised I’ll go to study and for real.
I remember 2 years ago very clearly, at that time of the year when I wrote “starry starry nights”.. and was for the today’s same occasion.
Taking my final lecture in college *believe that or not*. But yes, hopefully my last ever.. eternally… and for the 1st time too I forgot some of my papers somewhere there.. I hate that.. I hate me when I forget.. when I’m acting as if some alien from the outer space.. so I'll write to remember.. I'll write to engrave every single thing in my mind..

2 years passed?
Can’t believe a thing.. “Life is but a dream”.. one of my favorite quotations.. don’t you think so too?.. it starts and ends and pass you by without you getting in why, how… por que y para que?.. as said..
Remember that post was the 1st Tee would comment on. Hmm.. you know what I hate the most in me?! .. I usually take much longer time to let people into my life. I always give a cold look that would manage to give a rough impression about me. Always. Yes I am shy. That’s a fact. Hmm… as I look back now at the past 5 years.. you know I could have known even more people. I could have shared even more memories. I could have delved more into the personalities I can see their faces in front of my eyes in a random sequence. So many beautiful souls I’ve met in college. So many to extend I might not imagine a cruel world any more. YES! And I mean it..

Don’t think I hate college as much as I did 2 year ago. But yes I hate it enough to wish leaving as possible. May be I have my own reasons for. Yet above all.. “enough is enough”.. can’t take in any more limits.. mm.. dreamy look for the future? .. may be yes, may be no.. I don’t know. 22 years passed and haven’t left my comfort zone a lot. May be never. Had lots of falling downs, frustrations, stress, disappointments.. but laughter too.. as I recall now.. no, may be I didn’t have dreams to look up to very often in my past 5 years. May be in my prep year was eager to join the TA stuff.. so I kept on studying as hard as I can. Even remember me studying in 21 the bus on my way to college and back. Got high grade that’s fine.. yet knew a fact.. I can’t be a TA.. so why the hell should I live life fighting windmills! I’d be left in the middle unrecognized by a lot, dissatisfied a lot and accused to laziness too! There started the change in life… completely… but that wasn’t a dream after all, but a decision I took.

Years now and me not me the one I knew before and yet not me the one I’m looking up to. Probably I’ve reached a better position, though probably you’d think not. But I’ve fought inside me miles of.. mmm.. what? .. no.. I didn’t fight as much as I imagine now.. I think its normal.. we already go college to learn how to change, and adapt ourselves to the wider world.
I will miss college *no doubt*.. but above all I’ll miss faces, places and memories shared..

You know, since the funday, I was passing by a notebook for people to write me anything they wish to. And ever since I was determined not to read any until I’d finish college. Yet today Saramir insisted I should be reading her note. So I did on my way in the bus, and couldn't help me but going through other people’s notes as well… For a second, I was having tears *am I turning sensitive lately, for real?*. Seriously I was.. there were too much love between the lines I can’t imagine its there for me somewhere!..
I didn’t imagine I am seen as such between my fellow colleagues.. *again, believe this or not*. Well ya, I know when I am somewhere I’m always recognized after sharing in a conversation, or certain work.. or whatever.. but yes.. sometimes I turn out to be the focus.. yet never believed I’m loved.. mm.. even now when I’d remember that exam day very clearly, I was giving books to B. for Sheryos, when a colleague of ours passed along to say “you know, away from the exam and stuff. I have to tell you that I really appreciate your replies on our forum. I always feel your words are balanced” or something as such.. I was flattered like crazy.. as I mentioned before too.. pretended to be busy, finished up everything quickly and left the place…
In an urgent need to breaaaaaaathe! Hate praises… thought it makes me happy :D .. like a diabetes who likes gateaux… yet today I read A LOT.. that left me with this feeling running all through me.. “how could I leave such people?! how could I know -only now- I am that loved?!”..

Ya.. can hear you say “c’est la vie”..

Left the bus to have a nice walk with Bava in Korba. Like this place, like walking, wondering up to the buildings.. there it seems a quite place outside hectic Cairo. *Believe it or not for the Nth time*… I bought mango ice cream. Probably I’ve not tasted mango ice creams since 12 or something.. its always 1 of 3 kinds.. mystic *you already know that*, chocolate or hazelnut. Yet enjoyed it as if its my 1st time to taste mango… bought ta3meya.. or do you call it falafel where ever you are reading?.. its ta3meya (a.k.a flafel.) .. and was great… bought for my family too.. its still there cause they weren’t as interested as me. Hmm.. I was kind of celebrating my last day in college with one of the best people I met there..
Now as I think, what makes her my best?
There are lots of things between us that’s different. Mm.. she even got lots of things I hate, and probably she does too.. yet we stayed on as cool as we are el 7amdo lelah… and believe it or not :D *you gotta hate this phrase after this post I guess*… unlike normal friends.. we’ve never had a fight or a clash for a single moment… and by the word.. never.. mm… strange, isn’t it?..

Returned home and was about to have a short nap.. I promised to study chapter 1 & 2 antenna… but the nap was preceded with lovely talk.. and extended till now.. to wake up.. reading… feeling.. remembering… nostalgic.. thinking.. pondering.. wondering.. dreaming… hoping.. wishing up on a star…..
Yes.. now think I love my life.. love the every single aspect and perspective I’ve taken or thought of.. proud of my self till arrogance..
I’d never wish for a better arrangement for life than this…el 7amdo lelah..

Am I ready for the road to life?
I don’t know.. I don’t know except me wishing to end exams now fine.. have good job.. and start the challenge hand in hand with someone who’d care… won’t it be lovely?.. not walking alone any more?.. not thinking alone… I don’t know… haven’t lived it.. yet guess now it would be.. lovely… and probably then.. I wont be scared of life as I am used to…

It was brilliant experience living the past 5 years in my life…
God bless the memory..

PS: true, I'm going to start now... :)

الاثنين، مايو 14، 2007

يقين داخلى

لحد شهر فات كان عندى 62 سنة..
دلوقتى 18 الا شهر

الأحد، مايو 13، 2007

A touch from a feather...

Thought of writing here few words.. yet words escaped...
Thought of whispering few murmurer in here.. yet.. could not..
the piano playing.. and me waiting..
it feels strange.. feels awkward sometimes..
when I am not me anymore..
I've been touched..

When words lost their value... and whispers are no longer heard..
but yet felt..
it feels strange..
it feels like early morning rain.. and few dew drops..

a feather falling from sky above...
So quite the world.. so beautiful and washed up..
the green looks greener.. and Blue no longer sad...
no longer as lonely to ponder upon..
anger is no longer red.. and yellow is peaceful instead...

The feather is falling.. and I didn't wake up..
I didn't wake up..
Now, I really wish to ever not..

It feels strange..
Like words can't really tell..
I've just been touched..

Theme: the feather.. Forrest Gump

الجمعة، مايو 11، 2007

He gave her flowers. She gave him a chance.

Hmm, another boring night was tonight. You know, today was one oral exam I had in college for a very stupid IT report. Whatever, it passed after a 5 hours waiting back to back.. was that living hell they talk about?! .. and for a second, as I was starting to have a terrible headache.. just had this thought of, closing my computer and let me have a life!
Closed the everything, even without byebyes to people.. or anything.. and went to watch TV. I can’t even remember the last time I watched a complete movie. It looks months ago. I even forgot the timings, or the stations number on the list. Wondering aimlessly for few moments till I got 2 at a row… one was for Angelina Julie.. whatever that spelling.. I discovered now that ok “I hate her”.. and the other was “Bed of roses”…

That was actually one big surprise to me. This time was my 3rd to watch. I am a freak. Already knew that. When I love something, then I get addicted.. and I loved this one ever since I saw it for the 1st time like 10 years ago in my old room.. was night and dark.. I didn’t actually watch it then from the very start.. was on channel 2 earth stations.. apparently we didn’t have satellite receive back then too. . yet it was amazing experience I won’t forget.. kept on searching for the sound tracks and till now, can’t find any.. probably as I finish up that all I’d go and search from the very start.. for who knows..
“He gave her flowers. She gave him a chance” was the tag line..
Liza, a desperate girl, who was watched one night crying from her balcony. Next morning she had a surprise flowers delivered directly to her office! .. she wondered a little to discover the fact, it’s the flowers delivery boy, that’s “Christian Slater” (one of my favorite actors, though i hate his action movies) :D .. and the story goes on and on.. they fell in love.. etc.. typical American plot.. yet I still loved it.. hmm.. strange, isn’t it?.. strange how from simple things life begins…

Liked the part when he showed her life from his perspective.. that was nice in deed.. taking her in his daily trips delivering flowers to people, showing her the smiles he enjoys on their faces.. letting her to go into his experience..
There was one conversation between Liza and her girlfriend, that I don’t recall clearly right now. But gota tell you.. it always takes me by surprise.. somehow, fantasy within truth.. hmm.. at least to me.. yay.. that was lovely night, that twisted everything.. and I can recommend everybody to just go, relax and enjoy…

الخميس، مايو 10، 2007

ياصباح الخير

اتسألت امبارح عن أجمل تعليق وصلنى على "لستُ أدرى"... ومن غير تفكير لقتنى بفكر فى تعليق قديم من العزيز دايما "واحد من مصر" (*)..
إنتِ يا بنت يا لست أدري لازم أقولك إن كتاباتك دايماً دايماً بترسم علي وشى إبتسامة و لولا إني مش في موود سعادة كنت قلتلك إنها بتخليني سعيد ،عارفة ليه؟ لأني باشوف فيها براءة و شقاوة و حماس البدايات(اهتمى إنك تحافظي عليهم) ، باشوف فيها الفراشة اللي بتحكى عنها،اللي زيك هما اللي بيلونوا الدنيا بمبي بمبي

ورجعت بى الذاكرة سنتين فاتوا مش عارفة ازاى.. يااه فاكرة أول مرة قرأته.. فضلت ابتسم بعدها يمكن اكتر من اسبوع.. وكل ما امل.. اجرى على جهازى.. افتح الصفحة واقرأه مرة واتنين وعشرة.. احساس حلو قوى ان حد يقول لك شئ يفرحك على غفلة..

يمكن دلوقتى حماس البدايات فتر.. ويمكن الشقاوة والبراءة ضاعت وسط الزحمة... ويمكن الفراشة تعبت من كتر اللف والدوران.. بس فى آخر اليوم واوقات فى اوله.. افتكر الناس والكلمات اللى عدوا عليا على طول عمرى الصغير.. والاقينى مش عارفة ازاى ممكن يقوم الواحد الصبح وقلبه حزين.. وحوليه فى الدنيا ذكريات بسيطة.. بس رائعة كدة..

بى اس: (*) ومش عايزة أنسى انه الوحيد -لحد الآن- اللى شاركنى كره الجبنة.. وحب فريد الاطرش..


Before I'd go to sleep..

My room looks out of the “recycle bin”.. uncontrollable undesirable mess! Papers are everywhere.. pens scattered all over.. my clothes on the chair not hung for 3 days or something.. my shoes looks scary.. an empty plat beside me with a fork, too lazy to take it to the kitchen… bed looks dreadful… dust on every spot… and me sitting in the middle at my desk, opening my notebook gazing at nothing..

Today was a cute day.. was really cute :) .. no matter how horrible it was… no matter how long and boring.. no matter how tired I was.. yet I loved sharing these moments.. made me smile day long… that is totally strange.. how can a simple word or a single smile turn your day upside down.. I just have no clue till now.. its 3:23 am next morning now, and I’m writing, remembering and smiling.. though I’ve been down enough today.. yes, surprisingly I’ve been down and guilty till death..

Have you ever kept looking at the stars at night, till you reached a point feeling so low that you can’t hold them in your hands?
I am having my stars.. and might millions and millions of light years be shorter than how I feel now.. ridiculous.. my words are ridiculous.. even if you said no, I’d still say yes..

College ended at 7.. I took a bus at 7:15… reached the nearest square at 7:50.. and took my usual walk.. thru my walk it rained.. wasn't rain.. was just few drops.. then was increasing… found me walking, smiling, looking up high and prayed.. and suddenly was like.. “how did I reach my house that fast?”.. time flied.. and the touch of the few drops on my face made me wish to ever stay there long… you know, one day I’d be in the street, not alone.. it will be raining.. I’d ask you to leave everything at hand and we’d walk under the rain.. what you think?.. wouldn’t it be lovely?.. I remember that song now… strange what your mind can recall.. scattered memories from here and there, making it another indescribable mess inside and outside.. unaware of what is in it for you, whom is waiting for you, whom is watching, which is evil and where you’d meet all of the previous..
And leaves me here at 3:40 waking up.. gazing at the screen infront of me, writing these ridiculous words.. yet.. with a wide smile over my face for one good cute reason I have…
I’m grateful.. and really mean it :)

PS: I didn’t read the above before publishing, so for any reason you found spelling mistakes or lack in plot, don’t pay much attention.. its just.. me wished to talk to you tonight before I’d go to sleep..

الثلاثاء، مايو 08، 2007

Today's quote..

I read that on Dananeer's blog, commented by Hechkok.. and really liked to share..
love is when two people feel the same feeling in the same time, this is Love. We meet lots of people in our life we think we love them but one day when we find the right person we know they were fake feelings and that true love is a mutual feeling .

Another one, yet from the Bible this time..
Love is patient, Love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, It is not proud, It is not rude, It is not self-seeking, It is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. L o v e N e v e r F a i l s. (Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8)

الأحد، مايو 06، 2007

Today's quote...

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
~*~ Nouwen, Henri ~*~

محلى الوصال للى انتظر

-- فاكر يا صاحبى لما قلت لك ان الدنيا زى الكورة الشراب.. لازم يتحط شراب على شراب.. واحد نضيف وعشرة ريحتهم تجيب لقاع الأرض، بس عشان الكورة تتعمل كورة وتفضل طايرة فى الهوا..
بقول كلام مالوش لزمة؟
-- ...
-- عندك حق.. بس انت عارف.. معرفش ليه مشتاقة أكلمك زى زمان.. بس مش لاقية كلام.. عارف تانى.. مش عشان انا ماعنديش كلام مش لاقية كلام اكلمك بيه.. ابداً.. دا عشان من كتر الكلام بقى ملوش لزمة.. دايما كنت بتفهمنى من غير ما اتكلم.. يمكن لانك ساكن فى مخى فبتقرأنى.. ومع انك لسا فى مكانك الا ان انا وانت مش زى الأول.. ومعرفش ليه..
-- ...
-- زى ما انت مش ح تتغير.. تسيبنى اتكلم وانت ساكت.. انا بحب سكوتك وسكونك.. بيهدينى.. بس النهاردة عايزاك تتكلم.. عايزة اعرف بتفكر فى ايه وفى مين.. كفاية عليا اسمعك بما انه مستحيل اشوفك.. اشوفك؟.. تصدق انى اتغيرت فعلاً.. من امتى كنت بهتم بالشكل.. فاكر لما كنت بقول لك عن كرهى للتلفزيون عشان بيجيب مسح مخ، والراديو والكتب روعتهم فى تخيل ادق التفاصيل.. أصل بحب تفاصيلى قوى.. صحيح اوقات كتير مش بتخيل البنى آدمين بنى آدمين طبعيين.. وأوقات أكتر بطلع عن النص واعيش انا جواه.. لكن الشئ المشترك، انه رغم عمرى ما رسمتك، بس كان لك دور معايا دايما.. لما اكون تايهة كنت اعملك دليلى.. ولما اكون فى الاوضة اكلمك وتسلينى.. ولما اكون وسط الناس اشهدك ع الناس وتضحكنى عليهم....
السكوت مش دايما علامة رضى.. ممكن علامة قهر واذلال.. وممكن لانه مافيش كلام.. وممكن لانه بينا لغة حوار غير باقى اللغات.. فاكر السطر دا..
“O Mr. Webster can not define, what’s been said between your heart and mine. And you say it best, when you say nothing at all.”
نفسى اصدق انه ممكن يحصل.. نفسى؟.. ممم... نفسى فى حاجات كتير يا صاحبى.. نفسى يبقى نفسى فى شئ ويتحقق.. ونفسى يبقى نفسى فى شئ ويتحقق وما تمله نفسى.. ونفسى نفسى تبطل يبقى نفسها فى شئ.. ونفسى ... لاء.. مش نفسى.. مش عارفة..
-- ...
-- "فاكر لما كنت جانبى.. والنسيم لاعب غصون الشجر".. فاكر الاغنية دى؟ فاكر اول مرة سمعناها سوى؟ كان يوم بليل.. كان عمار الشريعى بيقدم "غواص فى بحر النغم".. ماكنتش اعرف اسمها.. كنت زى اى حد معرفش غير سطر "والموجة تجرى ورا الموجة عايزة تطولها.. تضمها وتشتكى حالها من بعد ما طال السفر "... نفسى ابقى الموجة دى دلوقتى.. واكلمك واقول لك واحكيلك.. بس احنا مش زى الأول.. وأنا معرفش ليه... انت دايما ساكت.. وأنا أتخيلك قدامى وأسكت.. عدوة صمت.. أو لاء.. فيروس فقدان هوية كلام.. أو لاء لاء.. كلام بقى زى الهم ع القلب، كتره بيوجع زى قلته تمام.. وانا وانت لسا عايشين رغم طول السفر..
اشوفك على خير يا صاحبى..

بى اس: العنوان من أغية "فاكر لما كنت جانبى" أم كلثوم، رياض السنباطى وأحمد رامى
أما السطر الانجليزى فهو من أغنية “You say it best when you say nothing at all” للمغنية Leanne Rhymes

الثلاثاء، مايو 01، 2007

Today, as usual..

Today we had a project meeting, and since it the labor day official holiday, we had to take it somewhere outside college; when it was the solution.. wherever but our dear club :S
At 11 we met, and started the serious talk. It was fine and everything; the people are great .. etc.. yet.. I was not feeling ok. Its happening for quite sometime now. I’m always absent minded, not focusing, hmm.. in a desperate need to keep silent. Amazingly, I don’t find anything to talk about. Hardly laugh. Sleepy. Hmm.. horrible as it look isn’t it? Add to that.. today.. you know.. I always like walking alone keda.. especially these days, the start of spring, enjoying the air with free thinking. The colorful flowers on both sides looked extraordinary beautiful.. yet, I was sad with a heavy heart.. my camera was broken and so I can’t take any photos..

May be it looks a little thing to you.. yet to me it returns the same little question I had in mind before.. which is better..
To have something adapting your life to it for a while then its gone? Or not having it at all?
Like imagine having the love of your life for a while, building dreams and fairy tales together.. then alas, its not there.. or u’d have a broken heart or whatever that leads to the end… or you think not having one in the 1st place, and living as any normal human being aimlessly in life?

I never found an answer.. and think I won’t. its like which is 1st the chicken or egg myth. Hmm.. . got no clue..

I’ll just go now.. probably I’d meet you again in better format to talk..