1.. 2.. 3 ??

I hold the pen so eager to write, yet as soon as I start writing, everything fades away. The state of mental block has extended so long so far. As if a dark coma. Can’t comprehend letters as before, neither Arabic nor English. Wasting my time more or less in trivialities. Always thinking about somewhere but here.

Tomorrow would be the 1st day at new school year with me sitting at home! It feels extra awkward. Every year I used to enjoy buying new notebooks, pens and pencils the most. Used to go shopping for new cloths, new shoes.. I even miss the feeling of obligation to sleep tonight because tomorrow is a new day, where I’d meet familiar faces; some of them are current friends and others future ones. Now.. I don’t think I’d have the chance to meet new people for so long.

I sound desperate most of the time. Today my cousin kept insisting that something is wrong with me, and when I insisted back that I’m ok.. he hinted about something else.. and if what I got is true then he must be kidding :S … mm.. I don’t know … the whole day was weird.
Starting by the 1st eftar we’d have in my uncle’s house without his wife (God rest her soul in peace).. my 2 cousines got engaged with kids now… and my other cousine is about to get married.. and my cousin himself who was talking earlier got engaged 2 weeks ago…
As if time passed so quickly all of a sudden..

I hate such days when you feel you are living as a call for duty no more. You go visit people because u have to not that you want to. I don’t want to talk to anyone these days..
More than twice I’ve yelled at my mother’s face today.. mm .. I can’t handle her jokes about me anymore, as if I need a slight push to fire.. that my uncle tried to calm me down, but of no use. I left the crowd and went to my cousine’s room.

Tomorrow is a new day, though I won’t be going to college no more 5alas.. bas yalla.. its matter of days always no matter how long.. and who knows.. I might have a job offer phone call tomorrow or something else..

And ah by the way.. I’ll wait another week before I’d call that person in charge for the dream job I talked about earlier. I’ll force myself to have a little bit more patience… for who really knows :)
Good night.. or morning.. you pick your pick and have fun..