الاثنين، يوليو 16، 2007

Finally, Back..

WOW! That must be a record. I haven’t blogged for that long, neither here or my Arabic one or the musical.. its like my mind has gone “blank” for no clear reason. Well at first I thought this confusing matter was the reason, and so I respected my mind and kept silent. But things changed and nearly everything is settled down. I knew exactly what I want. Yea true. Even these couple of days, I think I was never sure as much as I am now. I thought about every detail nearly, and there was 1 answer that I believe I might be ready to sacrifies for. Yet that all not what I need to talk about.

Its been long since I’ve been that lazy, ruling that empty life of mine now. There was always something to do. College, blogs, friends.. reading writing.. whatever.. then all of a sudden, finals are out there.. studying studying studying.. then graduation project, working day and night with those wonderful punch of people +1.. final presentation that surprisingly I did glamorous :D yea let me brag a little here…
God when ever I remember that day, shiver fills the back of my neck and the only thing I remember the support I had that day.. You know what seriously.. I think I won’t have made it if I didn’t have +1 in my life with that faith that I’m up to it. Support really changes a lot. Knowing that someone believes in you even more than you can really do for yourself. Who is willing to stand beside you wither or not you made it.. is something out of this world, believe me!
I never thanked enough.. and probably I don’t know how.. yet one thing I came up with..
All of the previous confusion has been washed away.. not all of it all of it ya3ni.. but actually most of it are gone.. yes.. I really appreciate being there for me when I needed that the most.. promising right here that, as much as I can.. I’ll try to be up to that faith :)

Our project was a blast by the way… our Doctors were pretty much happy with our work, that made me feel more proud of being myself.. for a second wallahi I couldn’t feel anything around me.. not the people in the room, not me giving a public speech.. not.. you know.. that thing scars me.. even in the rehearsal when I did it in front of our Dr. .. I was standing in front of him and suddenly remembered that 1 and only presentation I did in the pre-mod session. That thing kind of freaks me out. I wished to continue in that so badly to the extend that I’ve already saw myself there.. filling this little space of lack of confidence inside of me.. yet all the glamour, the wishes, the high hopes.. everything was tadapum.. all gone..

My project mates were awesome. I loved them all, and one by one.. except for that one whom I used to hate.. grr… I can never get over hating someone pretty easily. It takes a lot of time.. and she is like my nightmare.. not a basic nightmare.. but someone hateful in my life.. or may be I am owning the hateful life myself.. I don’t care as long as she’s not around anymore.. and thank God for that!..
The EED is left.. I want to invite a lot of people to it.. may be later on.. starting at 25th or something I’ll do.. I’ve been waiting for that for like what, 2 or 3 years now!.. wanted to participate and feel that I am a grad. Now with a project.. haha

You know I’ve been watching Felicity like crazy ever since I started those boring days?! Its fun, itsn’t it…
Next talk will be about her… now.. I need to put my potatoes..

Amazingly, I keep on remembering that phrase from that other night.. “you lose people because you are afraid to lose them” and I smile…

ليست هناك تعليقات: