الثلاثاء، أكتوبر 28، 2008

Sepia reflection

My life has been revolving around 3 songs:
1. Top of the world by The carpenters
2. Windmills of your mind by Jose Feliciano
3. Blue cafe by Chris Rea

Now and then I have a mix of one or two songs. My life is like a Sin wave with a 30 mins time period. One hour I'm up, another hour I'm totally down.
I lost the ability to use words properly..
Words do kill, harm or murder..
A single word can keep you feeling guilty for life long! A word you can not capture or record.. something said and went in thin air .. but it can leave marks in the heart more than million hammers or nails can do.

These days my life is one and two. I'm on top of the world fighting all the windmills..
I feel like a peasant? a peasant who went suddenly to New York..
Lost? cold and hungry?.. but over joyed.. impressed by the whole new world..

I know this is not my place.. and everything will soon be gone..
But sometimes I can not help it.. I dream and dream and dream.. and dream.. then talk words.. and words ask for more words..
Why were we created with desires and needs?!
What if we were humans with hearts, but no craving for warmth?
or minds, with no urgency to think?!
What if we were souls that doesn't need to be fed?

Yesterday I had a nagging thought that I will die. I was so captured by the thought that I was afraid to go out.. was going to cancel everything at a second..
but one more second and I closed the door behind me..
instead of sitting down to write my will, I went to chase the sun.. and it was one "heaven" of a day..

it's fear my friend..
fear is the reason behind us losing faith in ourselves.. losing faith in our abilities and will..
Losing eagerness to go on..
Losing the love of charming lights within..
We lose the passion.. and then everything else losses its meaning..
Even words.. it will be hard..

I can hear "Top of the world" playing in my background now..
I'll forget about said words and my windmills.. and I'll think of the enjoyment I might once live :)

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