سؤال وجواب

من قد ايه وانا فاكرة ان وظيفة الجزمجى انقرضت من الشارع المصرى.. لحد النهاردة، لما لقيت اكتر من خمسة قاعدين جانب بعض –ع الارض- فى حتة شارع مايزيد طوله عن عشرة متر.. كان نفسى اروح اعيش التجربة مرة، واسأل حد منهم عن سر الاختفاء والعودة.. انما لقيت الهدة اللى فيها، وقرف المواصلات المعتاد وتقل الشيل اللى فى ايدى جاوبونى من غير كلام..

Yesterday's blubber..

Literally Its been ages since I wrote in this blog, or the other one as well. Frankly speaking, its not because of how busy I am lately, though I am… I mean, I am very busy 5alas, and I think will stay the same if not more the next couple of months or so.. and frankly speaking too, its not because I have nothing to say. I’d be a big fat lair if I said so. Actually I can start counting the topics to talk about if you want. And each one is even better than the other. 1. The biggest fairy tale ever.. 2. The funday.. 3. The dof3a’s grouped photo day.. 4… blalala.. I don’t even remember… I just remember that this week might be the best I’ve ever had so far.. and still I believe, even the best is yet to come.. however, I am happy like no other msA…
I mean,,, lately I was having few fights within myself keda.. bas now I think I’ve settled to the best choice of all.. seriously.. I don’t know.. probably I want to scream it out and loud :D bas el sabr.. el sabr, I tell myself..

Looks I’m into a new confession post.. but.. well.. because of how excited I am this week, I find that really “words are not enough” .. I find nothing to say!
The funday was SUPERB, the grouped photo was a BLAST! I started to love my dof3a.. would you imagine that? I wonder how would I leave them!
You know 2 days ago I worked on a little movie for the girls.. and suddenly I found tears out of my eyes keda.. I love them all wallahi… girls and boys.. how could I forget them?! Grr… that’s the worst thing about beautiful things always.. it will finish…
I don’t understand till now how the funday is just gone?!
I mean I was waiting for it all through the 5 years I spent in college, and now it was here and gone! Even the grouped photo was here and puff into thin air.. I look into the photos and wonder.. it wasn’t a dream, right? Yeah right, I can see me in the pictures too… that’s.. simply amazing…
Remember when I told you “its all a matter of days no matter how long!”
Yeah, a matter of days… we’ve kept nagging for the year book photos, the t-shirt design, the comments… grrr… writing the comments was another big event.. hanging them… our preparations for it.. funday eve! Funday morning, waking up early to decorate 3m farouk’s bus.. I just don’t believe anything.. its all but a dream wallahi..

And the thing I don’t understand till now, that different type of happiness I was granted all of a sudden. I am blessed.. I am simply blessed wallahi… just.. I have nothing to say… till here and words totally fail me.. and I find me lost… no not lost… I don’t know.. I can’t interpret anything…

Just… may ALLAH keep this memory in our heart forever… My dof3a you are the best… and this week is totally my best too :) …

علامة إستفهام

"ياريتك حلم فى جفونى.. أنام وألقاك وأعيش وياك.. وآخر طيف أشوفه إنت..
ياريتك فجر فى عيونى.. أنام وأصحى على فرحه.. وأول صورة أشوفها إنت.."

كل ما أسمع البيتين دول من أغنية "دليلى إحتار" لثومة ورامى.. استعجب على تعلق الناس بالأحلام.. مع ان فى الواقع، الواقع ساعات بيكون أجمل.. وحتى لو مش أجمل.. ع الأقل مش ح تفوق منه على واقع اسوء..

سلاماتى

Stillness of the dark..

You know when you have a tape playing, then suddenly it goes off.. you know the 1st min of silence that precedes your discovery? .. always the 1st minute of silence different, unlike the rest.. you feel there is something.. do you feel then?.. no I don’t.. its like.. in a second everything is taken but can’t recognize anything yet.. till.. till my ears captures the moment and finds out.. the tape is off.. and silence surrounding me now..
I don’t usually fear the dark.. and I don’t fear silence neither.. in fact almost all the time I enjoy both.. tranquility that is.. calmness all around.. stillness of the dark, only me thinking.. only me hearing the spinning of that weary head…
I only fear the dark and silence if and only if, for a second I felt no feeling at all..
You know that state?
You try thinking, and you fail… I like to stop thinking for sometime… enjoy it very.. yet at night when I am there sitting all by myself and even myself is not there to share, I feel me different.. I feel me strange..
Did you ever live to feel you don’t know yourself? I mean not for long, I mean a second flashes and you feel… by God’s sake what is going on here?!.. hmm.. naa.. not that.. no.. its I don’t know..
Today I had a heavy heart for no reason.. yes.. no reason at all, though I got every possible and impossible reason to be happy. And I am happy.. I am happy true.. but like its been captivated inside a box and other stuff suddenly floated on surface.. what other stuff?.. they didn’t show me their faces yet..

Strange me tonight.. playing one and only song, over and over, and over then over…
I didn’t talk properly to Bava today. I didn’t give her a damn care.. if I was in her place, I’d get hurt…
Its like, me finding new pleasure somewhere else, so I’m forgetting the previous… used to hate that in MI.. I even told her.. and she was like wondering “did i? sorry for that.. you know I don’t mean”.. and yes she doesn’t mean, exactly like how I reacted today.. but if I was her I’d get hurt.. my friend is not here for me..
Why do I do something I know it will hurt me or others with me mints later..?

Now I don’t know anything.. I’m not sure of anything.. except one… I’m feeling nothing, yet with a heavy heart still..

استاذنوا يرحمكم الله

يعنى حقيقى مش لاقية كلام أقوله، لانى تعبت من كتر الكلام فى هذا الموضوع.. بس مش معقول كل كام يوم اصحى الصبح على خبر من شخص ما –بالصدفة- ان فيه بوست اتنشر من ع البلوج فى صحيفة ولا مجلة ما وانا آخر من يعلم!
الفكرة مش عارفة اعمل ايه اكتر من كدة؟! .. كاتبة عندى بالصريح:

Copyright © Lasto adri 2004-2007
جميع الحقوق محفوظة كافة المواد المنشورة في هذا الموقع محفوظة ومحمية بموجب قوانين حقوق النشر والملكية الفكرية.
لا يجوز نسخ هذه المواد أو إعادة إنتاجها أو نشرها أو تعديلها أو اقتباسها لخلق عمل جديد أو إرسالها أو ترجمتها أو إذاعتها أو إتاحتها للجمهور بأي شكل دون الحصول على إذن كتابي مسبق .

والحمد لله ايميلاتى فى كل مكان، وفاتحة التعليقات 24 ساعة على مدار الإسبوع.... والدى اس ال (حمدا للاله) بلا انقطاع.. يعنى لو واحد فكر بس يسال.. بعد اقل من نص ساعة ح يلاقى الرد!
والموضوع مش موضوع غرور.. فاكرة نفسها الكاتبة الأديبة ولا معرفش ايه.. ابدا.. حتى يا أخى فى أغلب ظنى انى ح وافق على النشر على طول طالما ماعنديش اعتراض على الصحيفة او المجلة.. وحتى ماتخفش.. مش ناوية اطالب بأجر... إعتبرنى يا أخى محدثة شهرة ونفسى أحتفظ بنسخة من المنشور!

يعنى دا الواحد لو فى بيته، وداخل أوضة مش بتاعته.. من حق الناس عليه انه يستأذن.... واخد انت بالك معايا؟ لو الرجل فى بيته... يعنى اقول ايه أكتر من كدة... ولا هى الأخلاق من النوع دا خلاص.. اختفت مع باقى معالم هذا الزمن..



بى إس: دا بخصوص نشر "حديثه لى" امبارح على "المصرى اليوم" ولولا بعض الاصدقاء قالوا لى.. ماكنتش ح عرف حاجة اصلا.. وياعالم كان ايه فين تانى وانا لا أدرى!


اجيبلك منين نفس يا سلاماتى

Clipped!

-- Cut --

You know today.. I finished el exam in 10 mins wala 7aga
w a3da ba2i el hour and half doing nothing but remembering when my grandpa passed away
I was 3.5 years old..
and there asked my father, "whats wrong..?" he said.. "your grandfather died".
"whats died?".. I asked.. "y3ni he went to God".. how he replied..
so, I went to his room..
You know there was a window keda between his room and my cousine's.. I used to sneak thru to him.. playing w keda
I opened el curtains, and saw him lying... wl nas 7awaleh.. and he even moved his finger... i can remember all that..
sebak....
I just returned to father and asked.... "he's there... "
and was his reply.. "no he went.... he's not coming back.."
"so.. will I ever go to God too?"
"yes" he said... "we'll all do"
"when?"
"when you have everything in life.."
I don't know if it was a right explanation for a girl in her 3.5 years or not
bas all I knew ever since... life never gives everything..
Sooo.... I was thinking.. what will I need tomorrow, or will be taken from me today..?

-- Cut --

PS: Today was the 1st day in our last midterms isA (amen ya Rab).. antenna :)

Seasonal farewells...

So guess I’m back to my seasonal decision quitting the virtual life for sometime.
Without mentioning much reasons… as now.. everything looks un-clear more than anything.. So (and I mean it) No more blogging, commenting, following blogs, reading, FaceBook, twittering.. logging in the 1st place.. God bless me and grant me the inner will to be smart enough to direct my thoughts anywhere but the where is it heading now.. (as my father always says)