Passing by..

Clicking "next blog" as Tarek suggested.. and so I reached out this beautiful post by "Summer rain"

Every time I feel my heart mend and grow, I feel a bit of heartache and heartbreak right after. I gain a little hope, only to be dragged down by painful realizations.
Sometimes, it's so hard to be truly happy.
(I'm sorry for my kind of emo post...I'm feeling a bit blue right now. Dont' worry, it'll pass.)

how so very true..

**********

Ironically, "Yesterday" (**) by Paul McCartney was on my play list..

Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away;
Now it looks as though they're here to stay;
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
I'm not half the man I used to be;
there's a shadow hangin' over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.
Why, she, had to go I don't know,
She wouldn't say;
I, said, something wrong,
Now I long for yesterday.
Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play;
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Why, she, had to go I don't know,
She wouldn't say;I, said, something wrong,
Now I long for yesterday.
Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play;
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday

(**) that was part from a life performance for the beatles on stage.... wish you'd enjoy it as much as i do..

Hehe Tags :D

Away for a couple of days to find I am tagged for couple of things! :
Aaaaa, I add my voice to SheryUos asking : "Who starts such things!" *Naaa, its lovely, I like doing it still ;) *
Ok, so I am done with number 5 and 20, and though I didn’t do it, but I was tagged by 3 *sorry Tee*. Now it’s high time to try the 7 and the 23……. Wooh!!
*thanks *~$&!~* , Nightlegend , Around the clock , Wonderer and Eve*



*** 1st tag:
The se7ens…. TADA!

7 things I plan to do *isA*:
1. apply for an AC next year *member in the academic committee*
2. improve my social skills a lot better *taking today’s step is way toooooo AHEAD!, cheers for me*
3. finish reading the doomed “The Da Vinci code”
4. do the microwave report
5. go to Matrooooo7 this year
6. STUDY! :@
7. write a book *isA, pray for me :) *

7 things I can’t do:
1. cry in public.
2. confess my emotions towards somebody openly.
3. hate someone *except for the 2 I previously mentioned*
4. quit on-lining ;)
5. quit thinking..
6. leave my home town in Mars *a.k.a. my weirdo attitude*
7. return a kid again :(

7 things I say most often:
1. aywa aywa
2. tamam
3. fe3lan?
4. neat *credit goes to Dxer*
5. salam
6. Shshshshsh
7. da ana Blue ;)

7 people I want to pass this tag to:
1. Olivia
2. Jia li
3. Sheryos *evil laugh*
4. Tee *and please add to it the other tag*
5. Tarek Amr
6. *~$&!~*
7. Anyone else interested to do it as well :) *Cheers*



*** 2nd tag:
Follow the instructions
1. Delve into your blog archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. find the 5th sentence
4. post the text of the sentence in your blog along with instructions:
Ponder it for meaning, subtexts or hidden agendas.
5. tag 5 people.

The 5th phrase from my 23rd post was:
“I was astonished, because thought they are presenting the Arabic program, HOWEVER, they are way behind pronouncing proper Arabic..”

OK, as my usual and expected, I was talking about another radio station. That time was the Chinese one. They had a new presenter from Egypt, a very pleasant person, who loved my writings, to the extend he called me “Al mohra el bayda2” or “the white horse”
For me that was too much for one day!
However, I was mentioning the Arabic pronunciation of his Chinese collogues. It’s a good try, because Arabic is one of the most difficult languages of all times. However, I guess they should have been more prepared for presenting!!!

Ah, its been a looooooooooong while I haven’t emailed him. May be I’d do when I finish up the piling things I have left to do :)

5 people I tag:
I already tagged 7 before…… Allez all..


Cheers.... My 73's

Not Back Yet..

On my way back home I was thinking of something pretty interesting, merely “the emptiness of our lives”. *Exactly! Just thinking of the emptiness of life!*

OK, I enjoyed my time today, to start. We had a dish party for iftar with the organizing team members of the ACES conference in collage. That was grand! If you’d see the mountains of food and drink brought there!! And the cheers in people’s tone and smiles!! Even the 2 surprises I met:
1. to know the flyer, the poster and the brochure at last saw the light. And the work of a whole summer vacation is finally printed out and looks gorgeous as well :) *I know our committee deserves all the best ;) *
2. the thing that touched me but never crossed my mind before: to know that some people would know me that much! To find someone coming to you and saying: are you this and that.. then the 2nd to ask.. then the 3rd.. that made me think, who am I for people to care!
However, all in all it was going ALRIGHT! i.e. going fine.. going normal.. going average.. wasn’t superb but going just FINE.. *why are you shouting?!*

If I told you: it wasn’t up to my expectations it would be a lie, because I haven’t thought of it in the 1st place. They informed us there is an iftar together and I said: Hurray! Then I went. I didn’t think either what to bring with me, I didn’t think whom to meet or what to say! I haven’t prepared a speech or ironed my dress and obviously polished my shoe !!
Could be because of the piles of work I am left to do, so I had to block any exterior kind of thoughts or dreams temporarily *wonders for how long* and could be I blocked my thoughts and dreams intentionally and on purpose.

Sometimes you need to feel you don’t feel, or you’d think you can rest from thinking. And may be that was the reason.
How many times I promised myself of things, yet never came true and may be won’t? How many times I convinced myself I am going to have all the fun of the world yet can’t keep any for myself :) ?
Nop, I am not upset or angry again... for I already knew myself this way for long time and I don’t have the will to change.
-- WHY?! *are you asking?*
Even if you are not asking, let me tell you something.. I feel tired. I feel extremely exhausted and wish to have a deep sleep. That feeling has captured me since a time too far away too remember. Then after I wake up I discover that I did nothing after all!
That is the nothingness of life!

You’d walk then you’d run in a race, and wish upon a star to enjoy your time, then you’d discover all of a sudden it wasn’t but a mirage for an illusion you wish to dream of sometime.
OK, its your right to believe in a better future and a prosperous present. Its your right to believe the picture is not as gloomy as I am describing, because IT IS NOT.. but suddenly you’d discover it as some water slipping between your fingers and you’re watching. Or a scented smoke, then it is no where after all..

-- Did I write all that!
-- Looks like I did.

Ya Rab Er7amna

2 hours ago I wasn’t feeling like how I am. 2 hours ago I just finished watching a new episode of “3ala 5ota el 7abib” for the “Ma3raket O7od”. And tell you I was feeling horrible. Almost 10 days, or even less, are left for Ramadan this year, and what had I done? What had I done so when it’s the judgment day I can stand in front of God and his Mercy for us “prophet Mohamed” pbuh and his blessed companions, to say with dignity: in Ramadan 2005 I did this and this and that..!

I see myself so small in front of myself. Smaller than a begging insect. What had I done to help my people, or even myself?!
God loves the strong Muslim who is like rain where ever settled brings all the blessings. And I wonder what had I done so far?
And will God help me till the end of Ramadan to become a better Muslim !

I deeply wish from all of my heart..


Ps:
1. I just have one wish, To visit this wonderful Islamic Torrents site. you'll find which ever Islamic torrent files you want. Just take a look. And if you found any difficulty in dealing with torrent files, just email me (on my email at the right side bar) and I'll be more than glad to help.
w rabna yenfa3na wa eyakom...
2. I guess for the next 10 days I won't be here as much as before. So sending you all my Love and good prayers. I'll miss ya.
C U soon at Feast time in sha2 ALLAH :)

May be true.. (edited)

As my usual, chatting before I’d sleep. And as my usual talking to the same folk I talk to every night. Yet tonight was a bit different.
Wish I’d remember what triggered the issue of analyzing people. Or, yes yes,, I was talking about how I picturize some people in my mind. Everyone got a unique picture or figure in my imagination I draw through out our talks and how I feel them. So I told that friend: “I see you sad”.
Although you can never see him sad, I bet. I can’t remember a time I saw him frown or angry.. but somehow I do think of him this way.
Things went on right and left, and on the 1st straight forward answer he claimed: “and I see you as another face of the same coin of A”
mm.. Me and A, you are saying I look like A ?!
Incredible!! Had I lived 20 years of my life so as not to know myself that much!

I sat for a while between me and myself looking for an answer, then suddenly I started to write the above lines. Starting with the thgought from the very start till the end, may be I’d reach out similarities in any direction.
Eventually, I failed.

Ironically, someone popped up on my MSN to admit: I was never observed laughing before !
Did I really hear that?!
I yelled at my brother to ask, do you see me that gloomy person?
yet he preferred not to reply..


left puzzled..

**********

Edits:

And as I heard that from a friend late last night, I was kept skeptical nearly all day long. I ain’t exaggerating things, but discovering you know nothing about yourself while you are in the middle of self seek! Is truly too much.. especially that I respect my friend and trust some of his opinions as well.
So I asked

Me: do I sound aggressive when dealing with people?!
She: no, you are OK.. yet when you have to be aggressive, yes you are and strongly. You know when to show the frown looks.
Me: I don’t know how to laugh then?
She: who said so?!
Me: some friends told me new things to discover in my personality.. one said I am a different face for A!
She: A.. you mean the young lady who was with us last year.
Me: yes
She: …

On my way home I was thinking, may be there are some similarities between me and A.
Why not!?
May be we are different faces for the same coin.
Why not!?
Similarities then… !???
Differences either … !???
I don’t know..

She got some good traits I wished to have sometime. She ain’t that bad after all. May be I got that chance to look like her.. yea, what the heck!
I’ll go with my head up to the skies.. even if I might look like her, still I’ll be JUST me :)

My treasure..

If I started by saying that last couple of days I was feeling happy, you’d probably close the whole thing and take your leave *Please just bear with me a while*. Its just this same situation I am happy in without any proper reason. Though everything is going on the normal. I wake up to collage, to meet some boring people and attend even more boring lectures. I’d return back home to have a short nap till iftar. I’d sit with the family to watch one series on TV, then I’d start studying *suppose I do*. At 11 sharp, I mostly leave everything to watch another series from the TV program “3ala 5ota el 7abib” or “on the path of the beloved, prophet Mohamed pbuh” by the glamorous presenter Amr Khaled on Iqraa channel (by the way, it is now transmitted to the united states)

OK! Close the TV and log online.. I’d meet some nice folk to chat, sometimes till very late at night. Quite exciting to have a funny chit chat with friends from time to time. When its bed time, I’d shut down the computer and enter the kitchen to prepare the “se7oor” or “the last meal to prepare for fasting next time” then TADA TADA.. Zzzzzzzz
Next morning *as if for a change*, I have to run in the street to catch my bus all again on my way to collage!

As I was chatting with Olivia tonight, she told me: “may be because you feel satisfied and contend without worries or stress”
-- “Without worries” OK, could be
-- But “without stress” is crossed out.. I have piles of things to do with no much time left. UGH! I am quite a lazy person I have to admit. Leaving things in a real hassle undone and I just leave or may be run away.. why not !

-- Could be “feeling content and satisfied” then.
But tell me something, had I reached that level of feeling content of myself?!
That is a question I should leave to answer someday, somewhere, somehow.. or may be if you got a different opinion, then share it with me and our friends :)

However, before I go or you’d leave, I’d wish to add one more thing, Today I was feeling happy ;) *el 7amd lelah* *Thank God for everything after all*


PS:
I waited and waited yet nothing appeared beneath the starry sky they told me to ask..

20 Me..

So I am supposed to answer “Me” and “Tota” tag, which is to write 5 random things about me. But it took me so much time thinking, its hard to limit yourself to few points, until “Jia” just tagged me yesterday to write 20 random things about me !!!
So before I’d find them increased to 100 or something by tomorrow, I thought of hurrying to answer :)

01. Dreams:
After I started my studies in the faculty of engineering, I realized that wasn’t my dream after all.
02. Family:
I am living in Cairo with my parents and little brother.
03. Fact not Fiction:
This is my 1st post to write without looking at the keyboard while typing *how steadily I try to integrate myself*
04. Attitude:
No matter how daring I might seem to be sometime, still I stumble other people’s looks at me while talking or walking :$
05. Fact not Fiction:
I hate being a girl *sadly*
06. School:
The worst best thing ever happened to me *a shock, I know*
07. Love:
the least topic I tend to tackle any where. Excuse me, I’ve never been in a story before. *Though passed by some scattered crushes from time to time.*
08. Fact not Fiction:
Fareed el Atrash is my best male singer of all times *and say what you want, I don’t mind*
09. Personality:
though I haven’t seen my grandfather to my mother except for my 1st 3 years and half, then he passed away. I am widely known in my family to be another carbon copy of his everything life style and way of thinking.
10. Food:
I just hate cheese like no other kind.
11. Slogan:
always say your good feeling to your loved ones, without any reason or decorations; you’ll never know when the last goodbye is.
12. Dreams:
my life I wished to become a radio announcer. Now I added being a well known free writer.
13. People:
I don’t loath a type of people, as much as I loath dependent dump ones.
14. Fact not Fiction:
no matter how so many friends I have, whither in reality or virtually, none (he/she) is a close intimate friend *and I meant that fully* a double edged privilege I’d say. Missing being myself in front of someone, yet on the otherhand, happy not having all the eggs I owe in one basket.
15. Weirdo:
one of the best thing I enjoy doing in kitchen is uncover the garlic *afasas toom , hehehe *
16. Beliefs:
I believe love is somewhere looking for only me, if its meant to be.. we’ll meet after all in the middle of the road.
17. Attitude:
one of the worst things I hate about myself is how I look silly sometimes for not starting a “Hi” or “Hello” or even a smile to the ones I know that I know them quite well, and I know they know me as well. Still I’d wait for the other to take the initiative step!! That’s why some thought I am enormous *this expression is a rough translation from a friend’s last post where he mentioned me between the lines* and others thought I am arrogant
18. Attitude:
I’ve never hated except 2 people in my life, now I am re-thinking about the 1st.
19. Fact not Fiction:
I hate to be praised directly and in public.

20. No need to mention >> I am a strong internet addict .. and can’t get rid of that!!!!!!!!!!!

PS:
I am currently tagging all the people on my right-side-bar-list. Please take part of your time to write 20 random things about only YOU :)
E.N.J.O.Y.