Though I won't see falling snow..

So its the 1st of December already..
YaaaY! I Love this Month....

Deja Vu, or what?!

Today, as I was taking a quick glimpse of the lecture’s hall, I saw someone I never thought he’d be around at that exact timing. Simply because it’s not his normal attitude to attend such lecture. Anyways, I wonder what made me notice the cloth he was wearing, I mean this is not my usual to notice such things, but so I did.
And actually, still I didn’t pay much of attention to that and turned around to focus with the material discussed. Then the door was opened just after the lecture finished, finding that very same person entering from the door!!! To my surprise he was wearing the very same cloth I thought I saw him wearing minutes ago.
Take into your consideration that the hall got only one door in the front. While I was gazing at the entering and leaving flow of people as I was waiting for my friend. So no way that person left then re-entered.

I know it’s a trivial something to mention but it really made me wonder all day long, how could I see him while he’s not there in the 1st place ?!

MCQ ..

And how am I supposed to name this piece of news I just finished reading on “The Sandmonkey” blog!

1. Fact or Fiction.
2. or Believe it or not !

its all about: Michael Jackson is building a mosque !!! and his refrence is this.

The Best Within You!

In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are at its worst.In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, thenot-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach.Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it's yours.

—Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Email :$

And after a long time now, I emailed Osama on “late night cartoon”.. Thought to share it with you :)

Dear Osama,
May be as you read this email I’d be fast asleep, and may be sitting wide awake counting some shooting stars I’ve seen lately. May be I’d be feeling the normal autumn cold or the warmth of my heart.
Its been a while I haven’t emailed you, in fact its been a long time I was away. Away from my usual life, the usual faces and things I lived with for the passed 20 years or so. Suddenly, I stumbled “change” on my way. Can’t hide how much I feel happy lately, happy like I’ve never been before. Last 2 days, along with friends, we’ve been celebrating the blossoms of the sleepless nights working in the past 5 month. But that wasn’t it after all. I’ve just discovered the meaning of being a team turning in friends then brothers and sisters. I’ve met new people who twisted the very same “ME” I thought I know. I figured out some pure meanings that were hiding deep inside.
And though I know they won’t be listening to you tonight, I felt I have to declare it out loud how much I cherish the past 2 days. How much I care for them. And how much I feel disappointed on the thought that as the world keeps Turing, we might lose each other along the way. One day we are together, the next we can’t figure out where our feet are heading forward or backward to. We might meet in the middle someday, and we might end the journey with the memory that we’ve been together once upon a dream.
Have been too romantic to say so?!
I don’t know, I mean, I don’t care. I love my new friends. I love them true. And no matter where we are going to, I just wish them from all my heart a life full of love, laughter and shooting stars in their skies.
Good night Osama, Good night Cairo..
Sweet dreams…

PS: Osama, for the sake of the good old days, could you play me “seeking you again” as my usual.. or “Can’t smile without you”….

Here is Osama's reply:

Don’t fall asleep yet. But isn’t it how it works out in life. We build up new friendships, new brotherhoods, sisters, brothers, and close people. But as time goes by you change and people change especially when you are young because each of you grows on his own special way and things become different. But all the same, you may try as much as you want or as much as you can to hold on that kind of friendship as long as you are enjoying it. If not, then hold on to the feeling of it and keep a picture in your mind of this group of people you enjoy being with for quite sometime.
As for your request, we’ll see about that. But for the time being I’ll be playing you a song that relates very much to what you are telling me.
“its all about us”.. T.A.T.U.

Thank you Osama, you made my day today...

حالة غريبة

اليومين دول ناس كتير قالوا إنى بقيت غريبة. بضحك وأدمع من غير سبب واضح. حتى أنا بقيت مستغربانى. كل كتاباتى من نوع عمرى ما كتبته من قبل أو كتبته وهربت لما قطعت الورق. عمرى ما حاولت أكسر الحاجز الداخلى؛ وأقاوم رغبتى فى إخفاء كل معالم شخصيتى أو ملامح أطياف أفكار ودعابات خيالاتى. حتى فى أحلك لحظات مرحى كنت بدارى. كنت بحاول أبعد الناس عن مملكتى البعيدة وأسبابى الصغيرة. وغالبا كان حتى أقرب الأقربين ما كانوا يعرفوا إن كنت سعيدة أو مخنوقة. مبسوطة أو متنرفزة. والصراحة كنت بفرح بحالة الخصوصية اللى معتمة على حياتى. كنت بفرح إنى ملكة فى أرض مجهولة للجميع معلومة لشخصى وحده. أملك وءأمر وأنهى وأطوف وأحلم وحدى.
إلا إن اليومين دول الفرح بيبان فى عينونى. ونفسى السعادة تغطى العالم كله. نفسى أقول للعالم أنا فوق السحاب. نفسى أصرخ للناس تقاسم بسمتى وتشوف الدنيا بنجوم أول مرة تظهر فى سموات مملكتى. كلام غريب! لكنه حقيقة اليومين دول. الحقيقة اللى حاولت أنكرها بينى وبين نفسى. لكن أرجع و أفرح زى الأطفال لما أشوف اسباب سعادتى. وزى الطيور لما تلاقى أغصان تظلل عليها حر الصيف وأوراق تحميها المطر تلاقى عيونى بيتنطط فيها ضو. أفتكر لحظات إتولدت فى عمرى الجديد وأتمنى بكل جزء فيا.. أتمنى إن العمر كله يفضل اليومين دول.

I've been humming all day long :)

THIS IS MY SONG

PETULA CLARK

Why is my heart so light

Why are the stars so bright

Why is the sky so blue

Since the hour I met you
Flowers are smiling bright

Smiling for our delight

Smiling so tenderly

For all the world, you and me
I know why the world is smiling

Smiling so tenderly

It hears the same old story

Through all eternity
Love, this is my song

Here is a song, a serenade to you

The world cannot be wrong

If in this world there is you
I care not what the world may say

Without your love there is no day

So, love, this is my song

Here is a song, a serenade to you
I care not what the world may say

Without your love there is no day

So, love, this is my song

Here is a song, a serenade to you

Special thanks goes to "MoonLightShadow" for her help :)

Cheers Moon :)

Today was the day, wasn’t it?!

The day we’ve been waiting for over 5 month of intense work. 5 month of sleepless nights full of brainstorming, searching and trial goes along with errors. I’ve knew real gorgeous people I can’t find a word to describe them. Feeling the warmth of a family with your colleagues is a feeling I discovered lately how I miss! Cheers and laughter all around the place filling any thoughts of alienation, seclusion or isolation.

However, above all I wasn’t feeling good. YES, I wasn’t!
I wasn’t as excited as I thought I would be!

mm.. I had some nice chit chats here and there with almost all the folk I know, but still something was missing! Can’t hide that I did more than I even expected in my exam today *el7amd lelah* yet didn’t feel that well!!!! I don’t think its inner depression that beaten the warm atmosphere I had all day long. I am not sad or depressed. I was happy yesterday, happy for a reason I know. But today I wasn’t as happy as I thought I could be.
May be because I am still in the same think-less mode; or may be…
Even too afraid to think of such reason in the 1st place. Its not shameful, not embarrassing.. but I am afraid to admit in front of myself.
And afraid to admit as well, that no matter I think I’ve reached nearer to the answer I am still thinking of, I find I am miles away. I just saw 2 actions from 2 different people that made me feel puzzled even more and more, then I shut up. Or I didn’t shut up, but I returned back to how absent minded as I was. Half of my words spoken today were out of the blue without a percent of concentration. And actually it wasn’t by my hands, I couldn’t understand you yet. I couldn’t understand if the game was meant to be about me or someone else?

Stuck between words and looks or actions. Stuck between my heart and mind. I go far, and find its creeping back to me all over again.
And do you think is it easy to forget?!

Today I walked after I retuned home. And don’t I always do whenever I feel I need to clear my mind and start to think. But I was laughing all the way, then suddenly I’d feel sad. I feel deep sadness inside me, then relief, then…. A tangle of mixed feelings would be fighting within. I didn’t mind people’s looks at the weirdo walking in the street, singing sometimes.. laughing other times, frowning till crying.. then walking aimlessly like kids do.
I can’t face myself any more *and thanks to U, where ever you are*, I got tired.
Was I wrong, was I naïve, was I OK, was I stupid… tell me how to find my answers!

The way is not the same, the way is turning heavier and heavier. If I was dare enough to ask, I would do. If I was courage enough to fight for my reasons, I would go. If I was broad enough to confront you, I WILL !

Right now I wish to thank you for a feeling I finally realized,, but I want you to know the hurt and the crack inside. ….

PS: Today I wasn't there, I was with U so far away..

Pause.. FWD

I am feeling terribly excited, yet confused. I know we are going to have fun *isA* but I am worried as well. As if I feel slowly a carpet is taken from under my feet. No need to tell you about the work left to do in less than 2 weeks time! However I can’t focus in anything. Really I can’t focus in anything.. !
I can’t study, can’t work, can’t think, can’t get down to what’s racing beside me and I am standing still :S Hmm.. Somehow I suffer a blockage of every single useful thing in my days at the moment.

It’s not my 1st time to have this going around or to pass by this phase in life. But it’s my 1st time not to understand what’s going on, what are the reasons behind that entire buzz and my 1st time I lose any intention to work on it!
As if I am saying “hell with it, can I quit!”

GOSH! I am not desperate not sad.. Not happy and not feeling good.
Only the music suddenly stopped! UGH!

SBS *short blog service*

Tell me how far is Tuesday!
1, 2, 3..... more days to come ISA.
The count down is on.

P.S.:

Can't wait to show my team what left in store for them.
ViVa Publications...... hip hip Hurray..

****

Looks like someone’s spell is chasing fast *haa ya Sheryos, eswd keda*.
Publications working around the clock in 2*1 METER poster..
*tab leh?! 3amlna a?!*
PLUS
No Black T-Shirts *hei2 hei2*
AND AT LAST
The 9th report that should be handled this week is already issued today already !!!!!!!!!

*mar7a mar7a, hehe gone crazy already :D*

Don't think.. Send me MSN nudge ;)

I was thinking today, and even if they made voice / video chat much easier than today. If they enhanced the methods used; I think I’d still prefer writing chat along with those lil emotions we use almost all the time.
Even while I am talking to people face to face; I sometimes blubber out “LOOL” or “Hehe” through our talk. Sometimes I visualize the “blush emotion :$ ” when I feel embraced; and “teased red face :@ ” when I want to show someone how offended or how annoyed I feel. Let alone the " :P " smily.. I can write a WHOLE book :) :) : )
To the extend I stated once on radio, if I’d ever nominate myself to any voting ceremony: I would use “the over smiling face :D" as my symbol. I feel warmth whenever I see that shining smile. When I turn around to have our eyes meet anywhere, in an ad. Or a hanging picture, I wonder why my heart start beating fast.. *Pump Pump Pump* ??

I’ve been attached to my MSN messenger to the extend I’d get pissed off if I stayed away for a couple of hours! Or if my connection is halted and I can’t get through; *as how it’s happening to me last couple of days already*. All day long I am signed in as “away”, and in fact I’d be really away, I don’t chat *for I don’t find my will to talk most of the times, or for I don’t find my dear friends in the 1st place* but I would still keep myself logged in to feel secure !!
You’d never imagine how hard I feel when I get disconnected un-intentionally! I’d be banging my head to the nearest wall till I manage to sign in again! *Yuppieeeee*

My MSN nicknames actually represent my every current state I am passing by. Sometimes it would be less than 2 hours gap between changing my nick name according to how I feel, or what I am passing by or the song I am listening to. I write it as if I am talking to someone, I just blubber out whatever going on my mind, no matter how random or scattered it might look! No matter how long or short.. funny or depressed. I just write it out confessing my every feeling to the whole world!

Sometimes I get people on my list asking: “what’s wrong Blue?”
And tell you, deep down inside me, I feel happy for that!.. Somehow it’s a privilege I keep for myself. I even admire my MSN than my cell phone!!
Distant kind of friendship has always been my favorite. At 1st it was friends through the radio *I’ve gained a lot of cherished people into my life*. Then it turned out to have some of them online as well ;)
In addition to other usual friends I know for real :)

Never the less, after each time I curse the day I used the stupid MSN messenger as an IM.. I say secretly between me and myself: “Nop, Viva virtual world. Viva MSN!!”

Tada, signing off (^_^)

My life is turning into a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. Between assumptions and expectations; worries and certainty I am losing the way. Last couple of days, nagging issues were imposing there existence every where I go, suppressing my free thoughts to breath! I reached the peak when I couldn’t control things anymore; then steadily holding the problem seeking my relief.
So asking my mind with silence as a reply; couldn’t give me clues for how to reach the clues itself! Trembling for a while, that’s how I felt, with a deep anger. Hate it when I feel that lost. Hate it when I can’t figure out the signs along my sight. Hate it when I have to hate.
Knocking heart asking, yet I felt even worst! Thoughts are blurred with a fuzzy picture of a smile. Shadows of good times and laughter hanging along the road. I can’t work fine with such kind of problems. I remember half the picture and leave the rest; or neglect it *if I’d admit*.

Tell me; how to know what is wrong and what is right?! how to decide which way to choose if all ways are blocked?! And if I am drifting aimlessly taken by clashing waves; how could I find my way home?
I am just a human; I make mistakes; that’s true! Yet tell me how to stop my inner self torture.
And if I knew your answer; tell me: will I like it?!
I can’t handle a new hurt to pass by my life, I’ve seen a lot before. Different portraits for the same faces in my every nightmare.

I’ve lost before, I’ve lost and I’ve cried. I convinced myself I am too strong to face the world alone. Yet sometimes I discover I am not. If it weren’t for the pride I keep for myself, I would have stated clear the wonders truing my life upside down!
Expectedly, I feel weak in such a way I fight for a word to ease my mind. Expectedly I feel thirsty in such a way I seek dreams won’t come true.
Some cases can pass by time, but looks mine is left to stay un-resolved at least for the time being.

Heart, don't fail me now!
Courage, don't desert me!
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear!
One step at a time,
One hope, then another
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was
On to find my future,
Things my heart still needs to know
Yes, let this be a sign!
Let this road be mine!
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
To bring me home...
At last! (#)

(#) From the cartoon movie “Anastasia” OST
Aaliyah - Journey to the Past

Busy Busy Busy

As a Bee...

بقايا قصة

ينام نهارا حتى تحل ظلمة الليل فيذهب لركنه ليكتب.
ولا يكتب..
يترك فنجان قهوته مع السيجارة، يترك أوراقه مع القلم و يتمشى. حتى تتراءى له خيوط الضوء الأولى فى السماء. يعود ليلملم ما تركه على الطاولة، ثم يترك نفسه لحضن ليل لم يعرفه غيره.

هكذا مرت أيامه دون أدنى تغيير. سنوات و هو يأكل القليل ليبقيه حيا، يتكلم فيما ندر، هائما على وجهه فى فيافى الفكر، قابعا فى مكانه بين الذكريات.
لا يملئ عليه وحشة حياته سوى قلمه و أوراقه و خيال بسمتها..
إعتزل أصحابه و إعتزل نور الشمس أيضا. ضحى بكل ما يملك واهبا اياها لبقايا قصة.

لم تكن الطيور المغردة واقفة على أغصان شجرته، ولا سمائه أكثر زرقة عن أى يوم آخر. مجرد يوم عابر.. صفحة آخرى يطويها و هو يحاول عابثا ان يكتب.
لا أتصور انها قصة من قصص الحب من أول نظرة، ولا كقصص العشق التى تقرأها، ولا حتى خيالات عابرة
هى قصة من بطلين.. هو و هى..

رآها أول مرة على صفحته البيضاء فقد ظل أياما يرسمها بكل تفاصيل حياتها وهى تأكل ، وهى نائمة، وهى تمشى. حتى رأى نور بسمة اشتاقت إليها لياليه و سمع لحن ضحكة أنست بها وحدته.
لا.. لم يرى تلك البسمة و لكن شيئا غريبا أشاع من حوله الدفء فبات لا يرى الا به.
لا.. لم يسمع تلك الضحكة من قبل ولكن شيئا ألح عليه بصدى ضحكة ملأت سمعه فأصبح لا يسمع غيرها.

تاه معها فى عالم من نسجه..

ظل مدة يسترق لحظات فكره بجانبها، ثم بدأت اللحظات ليالى، ثم عالم كامل، به شمسه و قمره و سماءه و نهاره. عالم فريد يتحدى كل القوانين التى عرفها قبل ان يرى نفسه معها.
لم يفكر فى اسم لها ولا فى تاريخ يربطهما معا ولا ماضيها او حاضرها.

لكنه فكر كثيراً ان يهرب..
شيئا يدفعه للجنون ان لم ينتهى من تلك القصة. حاول ليله ونهاره ليكمل بقايا قصته الا ان حبه لها كان اقوى من يديه المرتعشة..
أحب ان يجلس اليها و يتكلم معها حتى و إن لم تسمعه. احب ان يتطلع اليها بخياله حتى و ان لم تعى وجوده. أحب عذابه و هو يتمنى ان يرها حقيقة على واقعه..
أحبها وهى تبتسم وتمنى ألا يجد بقايا قصتها..

...

Hello darkness, my old friend,

I’ve come to talk with you again,

Because a vision softly creeping,

Left it’s seeds while I was sleeping,

Wake up today as tired as I can be to discover I didn’t bother to set the alarm clock last night. And since I was in a state between wide awake and falling sleep I opened my eyes.. it was already 6:30 AM while I should have been in the street by then!

Wearing the 1st thing my hand found then running down hypnotized or rather blinded by one thought in mind.. Stopping a taxi
-- “ where you want to go miss..?”
-- “ huh!”
If I could tell him go anywhere.. just keep going non stop… take me on a magical carpet or a roaring vehicle racing winds!

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence.

As if a movie, dwelling into preserved memories in flash lights.
:: I asked “M” and she said “it is OK.. you won’t harm”
Confused between yes or no; I choose it YES. Then turned 1st to be harmed was me!
Thunder stucking into shattered pieces..

Sitting in the last desk at the lecture with people’s wonders: “what’s wrong!?”
If they’d back off, or I’d vanish!

“I hate it ALLLL…… “ so I wrote my MSN nickname for today, after Closing my room’s door behind firmly.
Playing my melodies loudly, I am on my way returning to my seclusion.
Starting from today I’ll return to “on my own” where I’ve always been and always lived..

***********************************

In restless dreams I walked alone

Narrow streets of cobblestone,

’neath the halo of a street lamp,

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I’ve ever knew so far. Wasn’t physically but rather mentally and emotionally as well. The problem wasn’t in studying, thought I didn’t; though knowing midterms are hurrying forward! More or less that is not the problem unless you meet your stumbling blocks. Puzzles, riddles and significant codes unable to figure out. You try to focus but each time you fall down!
You find yourself surprisingly surrounded with the emptiness haunted your inside and paralyzed your soul.
If I can sit and think!!

And the sign flashed out it’s warning,

In the words that it was forming.

I sat down before I slept with fighting conflicts in my head.
1:50 AM I feel I need to scream till I’d lose my breath. Scream then hide to a place no one can find! Turning on my lamplight on desk, holding my pen and started to write a flood of letters, words and numbers; sinking between them clueless..
Tell me what to do.. tell me what to say or how to act!
And why I feel so small in front of myself!
I’ve neither been in such situation nor expected the day might come. Back to my pen I started to draw aimless lines.. lines then curves.. curves then circles.. circles then tears reached the threshold and suddenly burst.

Do I pity myself
No I don’t, I hate it though,, I loath it even, if I’d admit..

And in the naked light I saw

Ten thousand people, maybe more.

People talking without speaking,

People hearing without listening,

People writing songs that voices never share

And no one dared

Disturb the sound of silence.

“mother would you help..”
already 3:00 am and no one around, no one to help and no one I’d think to count on..
floating between 2 extremes, floating to the wilderness as naked as I might be.. Bare footed and starving to death..
am I..?
am I not..?

Fools said i,you do not know

Silence like a cancer grows.

and under the faint light beside me I gazed at what I saw on desk
I’ll return it back.. no I won’t.. yes I will.. no I don’t..
So horrible when you hate what you want and can’t get to what you have to..
Eternal problems crawling back.. Sneaking with evil looks.. wishing to fly with broken wings..

“Message encrypted. No look backs to make it easier” was my clue..
yet I can’t stop looking back nor thinking of the future..
future?!
Had I stated a different tense?!
When you feel the ticking of the clock turning heavy and think your existence unbearable burden; you’ll know the moments passing to cross out future and eliminate the present.
Am I..?
No I am not!!

I was never weak before. My mother;s words echoed in my head: “I didn’t give birth to a withdrawer”.. Never begged a person in a life time.. not even begged myself..

4:45 AM. dawn prayers were calling when tears found its rest.
Turning off the light, pushing away the pen and papers..

So hard to be stabbed at the back but harder to be slapped at the face with… your own hands..

Hear my words that I might teach you,

Take my arms that I might reach you.

But my words like silent raindrops fell,

And echoedIn the wells of silence (#)



(#) sound of silence – Simon & Garfunkel

They said

"There are so many things that we wish we had done yesterday, so few that we feel like doing today."

- Mignon McLaughlin (1915~) American Author, Editor

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.1
Mind:	7
Body:	5.9
Spirit:	6.7
Friends/Family:	2.7
Love:	2.9
Finance:	4.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Your Life Analysis:

Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score leaves room for improvement. You can make changes to improve your trouble areas, and this will bring you greater satisfaction. Focus on your weakest points and set about to change them. Do not delay your happiness and success. (Read more on improving your life)

Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is not bad, but could be improved upon. Your mental health is not weak, but you are not achieving full mental clarity and function. Learn how to unclutter your mind. Keep learning, keep improving, continue moving forward. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the mind.

Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. Your body score is fairly average, which means there is room for improvement. Keep a focus on your physical health. Protect your body as it is your most valuable physical asset. Nutrition, stress reduction, and exercise are key. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the body.

Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Your spirit score is relatively high, which means you are rewarded by your beliefs. Spirituality is clearly important to do. Never let it slip, and continue to learn and grow. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving the spirit.

Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. You scored at the very low end for friends and family. This means that your social network is weak and not functioning. Consider re-establishing old bonds as you work on forging new ones. You will be greatly rewarded in return. Try using MeetUp.com to find people near you who share your interests.

Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is very low, indicating trouble. There is love out there for you. Seek the advice of wise people on how to go about finding it. Do not lose hope. Read advice from other quiz-takers on finding and maintaining love.

Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. Your financial score indicates some trouble. Raise your score over time by making changes which will lead to greater prosperity in the future. Be sure to live within your means today. Read advice from other quiz-takers on improving your finances.

Collecting stars

Thru a window

This morning, I looked thru the window for some moments, thinking.

"It’s been 4 days now I haven’t blogged. Is it that important in my life to count the days I haven’t written anything? Or is it sort of longing to feel belonging for something?!"
Sometimes I believe that all what I read or write on blogs are pure nonsense. What would I ever gain if I read others’ opinion about what-so-ever?! I mean, I could read an article in a newspaper or listen to analysis for a current situation on radio for example or any multimedia. I could even just click on CNN.com or BBCworld.com or DW-world.de … just name it. Its only one click away, yet I prefer blogs!!

Other times I ask myself “what do others find so amusing in what I write, to the extend I’d be emailed if I was away for sometime?” Let alone the pouring questions from friends: “did you quit blogging?”
“no I didn’t.. but I don’t find something interesting to talk about though.”

Almost each time before I post something new, I have to read out-loud things and listen as if its for anyone but me. And after each time I hate what I write more and more. Some times it ends up deleting it, or rather posting but with gestures of dis-satisfaction. Not because I don’t like what I talk about, NEVER. But simply because I don’t see any sort of entertainment or significant importance. Just talks in the air, and I hate that!

When I was young, I wished to become a radio presenter. And still dreaming a far-fetched dream. As days went by I realized my dream is not truly to become a presenter but rather to touch people so deep, to get to interact with zillions of them to know how to be effective. So it’s a matter of being effective or not, of being important or not, of getting to the core of things or dancing on the surface. And so I dreamt to become a writer someday.
“Did I say a writer?”
Being a writer, then returning to the starting point. To write again and again; simply talks in the air!

-- “and when I die, who’d remember me?!”
-- “you’d be remembered by your kids and their kids after”
-- “but that’s not enough. All people are remembered by their kids and their kids after and one day they are forgot! Is it why we are here for?!”
--“that’s how life goes on” they said.

Friends thought I got nuts already. Asking things that are our lives’ ABCs!!
Then reply me: “if its life ABCs then why do we live hide-and-seek daily between answers and question marks???”

I don’t mind having un-answered questions in mind, provided believing I will ran into the answers someday or provided I won’t be mocked..
And may be the 2nd is why I prefer blogging so far ..

Trying to enjoy..

What a relief! Five days for a vacation :)

Ramadan is almost over, and the Lesser Barium is knocking the doors. My memories for the Eid or the feast are all so pleasant *apart from breaking my arms at one 1st eid’s morning* . I always play with the balloons like kids singing out loud “el eid far7a, w agmal far7a, yegma3 shaml areeb w b3eed.. heh heh heeeeeeeeh”
I spend 1st day with my relatives to my father, collecting “el 3edya” or the money the elder gift the younger as a sort of spreading love among all the family members *Hehe*. I save my little cherished money and give myself a treat at the end of the day. Mostly a large bar of chocolate with fruits *my favorite of all*. Mm.. 2nd day is spent with my relatives to my mother, which is even hell better and more fun.. Laughter and jokes flirt all around the place.
3rd day I mostly spend it home; sometimes I go out with friends, or even go alone to the club and buy myself a new book with the little 3edeya left ;) ;) ! ..

however, this year doesn't seem as fun as always! Due many reasons, mostly important : how sick my uncle turned out to be; Secondly for the pouring reports I am left to do plus the midterms that are about to destroy the little neural cells I have in my poor brain!!!!

See, my mother brought me a packet of “Bomb” *or some sort of explosives that make a strong sounds with fireworks; kids play with in Eid*. She fully understands how I am left as a kid inside. No wonder if I found her bringing me some balloons 1st Eid’s morning. For she always does :)

************

Yesterday: Unlike your expectations I didn’t blog. I don’t know why not, thought I had lots to say, but silence has been chosen.
Today’s confession: I am not that strong as you think I am.

*******

mm.. walking today at 6:30 a.m. in the streets, while everybody still sleeping; filled me with a new feeling. Breathing the 1st morning’s fresh air made me believe I am as free as paino notes played by a lonely musician. And the lamp lights gazing at the cold whispering November breeze, made me thank God for living those peaceful moments as well as knowing they exist for me to cherish..

*******

I’ve never ran out of words so far, But sometimes I feel words run away from me. I’d be sitting face-to-face with hundreds of words flying between us, thought nothing is heard spoken. Sometimes I’d wish to tear out the silence gap between us, but the oceans between the 2 shores are too far to be crossed.
Sometimes, looks send what words can’t say..

See, this is what I mean; what am I saying after all :) !! Nonsence, unless you know!

*******

I just did this new quiz to discover my flower.

I AM A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

*******

must be leaving, though I don’t want to. Must be heading some where though I want to stay. Isn’t it ridiculous? Doing what you don’t want because you have to?!
Yet tell me, what’s not ridiculous after all apart from the moments we try to enjoy..

So Happy Feast, try to E.N.J.O.Y.!!



PS:
Of all the friends I've knew, I would like to thank Lomat *another radio friend from Alex; though I don't know if he'd reach out till here or not* for his patience with me last couple of days and his intense help in my studies. May ALLAH reward him all the best :)